Episode 16

Episode 16 Transcript:

[00:00:00] [🎵 Intro Music]

[00:00:05] Heather: Hello, everyone. Um, welcome to Comically Exposed, Episode 16. I am Heather and my cohost is

[00:00:13] Gabbie: Gabbie

[00:00:14] Heather: and, um, welcome everyone. I think I said welcome already, but that's okay.

[00:00:19] Gabbie: Welcome twice. Welcome three times.

[00:00:21] Heather: Yeah. Welcome four times. I guess.

[00:00:25] Gabbie: Heather already one upping me.

[00:00:31] Heather: And if you're listening, um, we're, um, it's funny cause if you're listening, you're already listening. Yeah. If you've, I don't know what I'm saying anymore. Um, we've been talking before we started to hit record and, um, I think my mind just, uh, collapsed.

[00:00:49] Gabbie: Yeah. Well, listen, we were made conversation and it's basically rude of a podcast listener to have intruded on what is a private conversation. And so I blame them because they fully derailed us. Yeah.

[00:01:04] Heather: Yeah. Yeah, it's, it's all your fault that you're listening to our conversation right now.

[00:01:09] Gabbie: That's what our mental health podcast, if you take away nothing else, know that everything is your fault, listener.

[00:01:21] Heather: Okay.

[00:01:23] Gabbie: But we actually were talking about a bunch of interesting things that I wanted you to continue talking about. How's that for a smooth transition?

[00:01:31] Heather: Uh, sure. I forgot what we were talking about.

[00:01:39] Gabbie: Yeah. I know. Okay. First, I want to say my thing and then I have a bunch of questions for you, which my thing is we were talking about how I have Kaiser shout out Kaiser Permanente. You guys are doing a barely moderate job. Congratulations. Um, and the fact that I no longer have an OCD therapist because like, Kaiser has given me a referral for this company, no CD.

And I have been seeing my no CD therapist for like two years now, you know, it's been pretty fantastic because Kaiser does not have OCD, like protocols at all. Really. There's like a support group, um, but we really help each other more than anything. Anyhow, I guess that's the definition of a support group.

It doesn't matter. The point is I'm mad at Kaiser because. Um, they gave me a referral to work with NOCD again. And NOCD is like, no, we don't know her. And I'm like, you do, because you knew her for the past two years. So what the fuck? And the fact that I am, oh boy, this is just putting everything out there.

The fact that I am on Medi Cal, because I make no money, because I'm in education, and everything is back. That NoCD is like, we don't work with Medicare and Medi Cal participants. And I'm like, but I, I have Kaiser. So. Fuck with Kaiser. Like what do you don't have to fuck with Medi Cal, just fuck with Kaiser.

Kaiser has already said, take my money. So take their fucking money. And so I have to, I've already called Kaiser and went through like a whole, you know, hour long hold, talk to somebody, went through like a whole phone tree. only to be connected to their LA office, which I was like, just wrong geographic area, it's not going to work for me.

And now I just need to carve out another couple of hours to get on the phone with Kaiser member services to be like, hi, can you fix this? Because I am mentally ill and I need help. And so I'm tired of being the middleman and I'm tired of being the one who has to actively, it's beyond actively going out to get help.

It's like, I don't know, I feel like a detective or a lawyer or something like that where I'm like, these are the documents that I have, and this is your legal requirements that you have to do. And so, you know, ergo facto, oh boy, uh, I deserve, you know, mental help.

[00:04:33] Heather: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, that's the most frustrating thing about. You know, mental health in the United States. Um, if you guys didn't already know, we're in the United States

[00:04:44] Gabbie: Lettin' out all the secrets.

[00:04:47] Heather: It's frustrating because it's expensive to get mental health. Um, also, you know, and those who struggle, you know, anybody who's struggling, it doesn't matter who you are, what you have, what you don't have. It's not fun.

[00:05:05] Gabbie: Shitty, I think is the word you're going for.

[00:05:07] Heather: Yeah. I was, I was going to say shitty and then I was like, not fun. Didn't feel right. You know,

[00:05:13] Gabbie: Shitty feels like too fecal.

[00:05:16] Heather: Yeah. Felt too fecal. Um, Um, it's too fucked up. Um, yes. Yeah, it is.

[00:05:26] Gabbie: It is, and at the same time it's like I know that I am in a place of privilege, uh, because for so many reasons. You have access. Yeah, that I have access at all. And also that I grew up knowing that my voice, uh, should be listened to. Is that a way of saying I'm white? I don't know. But truly like, is

[00:05:54] Heather: heard,

[00:05:55] Gabbie: is heard. Yeah, exactly.

[00:05:57] Heather: Yeah.

[00:05:58] Gabbie: That's that, you know, if I Karen enough, somebody will put me in touch with a manager and I don't, and I'm not, it's a fucked up system and it's fucked up. That's You know, people have to fight to get their voice heard.

And even then it's like, but the point is I have opportunity and privilege and I'm still not currently getting the treatment that I need. And that is like, then who the fuck is getting treatment?

[00:06:32] Heather: Exactly. And the right treatment too. I mean, it's hard enough to find the right treatment for whatever you might have.

[00:06:41] Gabbie: Yes.

[00:06:41] Heather: You know? And so, I mean, you're not going to go to a dentist to fix a broken leg.

[00:06:46] Gabbie: Um, so I have tried and they keep saying, ma'am, this is an Arby's, but it is, it's like just finding a therapist alone. is difficult enough because it is like a full dating process where the odds that you find somebody that one, you respect, that you feel like fully hears you and has the background to be able to help you is like, it's fucking tough.

It's a whole goddamn process that usually takes months, if not years. And Like, I was talking to my sister Miriam about it over the weekend. I have constantly been saying, like, so many thoughts just came into my head. Intrusive. I mean, number one, if you find a therapist, the odds are you need to pay out of pocket. in order to, uh, see them.

And if you get reimbursed by your insurance, it's like you were saying, maybe 60 percent gets reimbursed. And you have to pony up that money to begin with. So you need to have enough money so you can fully pay out of pocket and then wait for the insurance company to get their shit together. And then probably like, It's like Judaism.

You want to become a Jew, we're going to deny you three times. Do you know what I'm saying? So it's like the insurance company is going to deny you three times, and you have to come up with all the documentation, and then they're going to pay. That is a tangent. The original point I was going to make is that the way to find a good therapist, I have been taught, is to go through Psychology Today, because they have this great, um, Therapy Finder.

Well, my sister was saying that she just got a good therapist, right? And this has been a process. And she was talking about, you know, using psychology today. The therapist said, actually, Psychology Today is not the gold standard anymore. And that they had a client who tried to use the Psychology Today Therapist Finder, only to find a really good therapist, called them up, and the people said, she's been dead for seven years.

[00:09:04] Heather: Oh my god.

[00:09:07] Gabbie: So not like, just passed away?

[00:09:10] Heather: Oh, no.

[00:09:10] Gabbie: Seven years ago.

[00:09:12] Heather: Oh, no.

[00:09:13] Gabbie: But it's still on the Psychology Today website.

[00:09:15] Heather: Still number one, though.

[00:09:18] Gabbie: Exactly.

[00:09:19] Heather: Best therapist around.

[00:09:22] Gabbie: She's great. You just need to get a psychic medium in order to have sessions with her.

[00:09:26] Heather: Uh huh. Uh huh.

[00:09:27] Gabbie: Uh, but anyway, Miriam was saying that I guess some of the, the new ones are Therapy Den, I think is one of them.

I don't know. I should stop giving our listeners advice that I haven't. Figured out for myself, but, um, yeah. Anyway, I'm mad.

[00:09:43] Heather: Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, you should be mad. I mean, that's the thing too, with finding OCD therapists in your area. I know in my area, it was very difficult. Um, and, and finding a good one that's still taking patients.

That's, that's the other one is the most difficult one. I mean, The way that I got into my psychiatrist was because he said, Hey, I had a little time. Do you mind being squeezed in? And that's how I got my foot in the door. That was my, that was my here. Yes, please. And then, you know, and then that's when I became an existing patient for him.

And so, I mean, it is difficult because, you know, of the times pandemic brought a lot of people that were seeking mental health and a lot of mental health professionals have. become burnt out. And so finding good anybody, you know, finding good medical professionals has been very difficult. And so, so if you get one, you stick with it.

[00:10:41] Gabbie: Um, yes, exactly.

[00:10:43] Heather: Yeah. Yeah.

[00:10:44] Gabbie: So I've had this one for two years. He's fantastic. Also he's licensed in California, but it's online. So he lives in Texas, you know, it's exactly like you said, like if you find a good therapist, you should. I know we're not supposed to white knuckle hold on to anything as OCD people, but like

[00:11:07] Heather: Well, when it comes to this, I mean, that's the thing.

It's like, I get it, you know, oh, we, we could talk into, like, cognitive flexibility.

[00:11:16] Gabbie: Which is what I wanted you to talk about, so, good transition.

[00:11:21] Heather: Where, um, although this one's a hard one to be, cognitively flexible

about. Hahahahaha. Cause you're like, I need an anchor somewhere.

[00:11:34] Gabbie: Yes, exactly. Because all of this help is so that we can become functional members of society. You know what I mean? And it's like, dude, just get me to a good enough place that I can hold down a full time job and, and be normal sauce enough, right?

That I'm not in the bathroom for 45 minutes washing my hands. Shout out, Ege. Oh! Slam! Just kidding, Ege. You're doing great.

Okay, anyway, mad, you're mad, I'm mad, we're all mad. Mental health in this country, the help is, and that is a technical term.

[00:12:19] Heather: That's a very technical term.

[00:12:21] Gabbie: You did bring up cognitive flexibility, which is something we were talking about before the podcast, and I found it very exciting. So would you mind explaining what it is?

[00:12:31] Heather: Well, all it is is just being flexible. I mean, and, uh, you know, and doing things. Uh, let me backtrack a little bit. With OCD, you could become very rigid, very inflexible. Um, and rigid in thinking, rigid in, you know, the way you do something, the, what, the things you eat, the process of which you have to like accomplish something, all of these things can be fraught with lots of control, lots of rules, lots of, you know, again, rigidity.

And so that makes us inflexible. And so cognitively, you know, that's built into the same system, right? We can become super inflexible with how we think or control a thought or everything, you know, and so to be able to kind of trip the system up is to become a little bit more flexible in our thinking.

And so some of the things that I'm doing, because as I talked to my Psychiatrist last week and was reminded, um, that I was being a little inflexible and maybe I should practice a little bit of flexibility. So some of that, um, I don't know if I mentioned this on the podcast before. Um, one of the things that I do is brush my teeth with, um, my non dominant hand, my left hand and feel how uncomfortable that is.

And continue to brush my teeth without trying to switch hands. It's not a force, but it's more like, okay, you know, this might be a little imperfect.

And it's basically building the idea of, instead of me going, Oh no, I missed that tooth, or I didn't get that tooth enough, or didn't. You know, get it hard enough or, or whatever the thought was that, uh, that my teeth are going to still be okay.

Cause I brush them, you know, and, and, and then after a while, I mean, apparently, I don't know, I haven't gotten there yet. Um, but apparently it won't become a thing. It'll be like, I'm brushing my teeth

[00:14:34] Gabbie: With your non dominant hands.

[00:14:36] Heather: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:14:38] Gabbie: I like that. I was thinking about it because. You did bring it up in also like a mindfulness frame.

[00:14:47] Heather: Yes, yeah. And so the other idea is, so another. Practice that I do like, I'll, I'll use brushing teeth again because it's just...

[00:14:56] Gabbie: mm-Hmm.

[00:14:56] Heather: I don't know why I'm...

[00:14:57] Gabbie: Perfect.

[00:14:57] Heather: Focused on it right now. Um, but, um, like if I was brushing with my dominant hand or non-dominant hand, I could spend a moment brushing each tooth, but being present with it, feeling the bristle, um, on my tooth, and the intent is to bring my mind to the tasks that I'm doing.

So that is being present or mindful in the moment. And then just kind of being with something. So if I was to do this with my non dominant hand, um, I would brush my teeth with my left hand and then do the same idea with each tooth, you know, like kind of, Instead of my mind wandering to a thought, kind of like meditation, um, I would go, Oh, thought, and then come back to the tooth, um, with my toothbrush.

And so it sounds weird. It actually works.

[00:15:48] Gabbie: Which I feel like is a lot of OCD treatment. It's like, yeah, it's like, Oh, you know, that thing that you fear so much run towards it. Now do it again

[00:16:02] Heather: and keep doing it until it, you know. kind of loses its power. Um, their intent is to, to help disrupt the loop. Like, happens in your brain when you have this disorder.

And so the intent is to disrupt, but not solve because you're never going to be able to solve it. That's, that's the thing, you know, and, and for those of us who suffer with OCD. or any disorder. I mean, that's, that's the practicality is, is that we still have to live in the world and we still have to have OCD.

It's just kind of building on a place of acceptance that this will exist. Um, yeah. And becoming, and so that's the other thing. So that's a tool is, is becoming a little bit more cognitively flexible. So that's what I'm working on. I know.

[00:16:59] Gabbie: Okay, so when you brought it up the first time, I, part of me is like, mindfulness and my ADHD seem to be quite at odds. And I think part of that is my first introduction to mindfulness was so, like this odd combination of like all encompassing and woo woo.

[00:17:23] Heather: Yeah. Yeah.

[00:17:24] Gabbie: Yeah. It was funny. Kaiser.

[00:17:25] Heather: Yeah, it's funny because, um, so my therapist I had before my psychiatrist, she, um, practiced, um, kind of, she was a Buddhist. Or she is a Buddhist currently still. Um, uh, and so her practice, she brought that into her practice. And some of that was, um, that kind of mindfulness, um, you know, meditation. And the intent is, is funny because I was taught by her that, uh, meditation isn't about relaxation because that's how I assumed meditation was about, but it was about just kind of bringing your mind to yourself, um, and just being with whatever, whoever, wherever you are.

Um, and that is what I understood mindfulness to be. So I guess I was lucky in that sense that, because I, I constantly hear people going, Oh, I use meditation to like, calm myself down. I'm like, you do? Cause I do meditation when I'm like frustrated or when I'm, you know, like, uh, can't focus or, you know, happy or sad or anything, you know, and it's just, it's just about being in the moment and it's that practice of being present. And just kind of seeing thoughts and, and seeing feelings, you know, but, you know, but focusing on the here and now rather than, um, all the other thoughts, which I'm not saying is easy, but, um, but it's how I practice.

Um, yeah, but I feel like it's been co opted. Yeah. Um, like with any word, because, you know, words are all made up, you know, they're all made up. And so, you know, and over time society changes. the meaning of words and terms. And, you know, and unfortunately right now we live in such a commercialist, like kind of our commercialism, you know, like perspective and people are always looking to sell an idea. And, you know, I think that that's what happens sometimes to words that actually have meaning about something else. But, um, Become something else to sell a product, I guess.

[00:19:40] Gabbie: Yeah. And that's like, and that's how I feel about mindfulness for sure. Cause it was just like, um, I don't even know, but the way that it was introduced to me, it was like, you're going to be mindful of like, your, you know, steps and then be mindful of like every bite as you're chewing and be mindful. And I was like, girl, this is first of all, way too much. And second of all, like--

[00:20:09] Heather: Well, I think, I think it's more like, at least in the, in the lens of OCD. It's more about grounding yourself in the present moment. And so when they do say like, when you're, you're going to be mindful about your eating, it is true.

Like you could focus on that. Um, and, and eat and focus on eating rather than focus rather than eating and being distracted by let's say television or book or whatever, and, or conversation, you know, being able to sit and your food by yourself, you know, without any other distractions, you know, the activity is the activity.

Sure. But in a, you know, in the normal world where everything is distracting, um, you know, I think the mindful practice becomes, you know, trying to be present. With certain activities to kind of bring your mind back.

[00:21:02] Gabbie: Yeah. I think it was more like using mindfulness for, okay, I'm going to use eating, uh, which was like, It was, it felt like it was being marketed as a way to control what one eats, right?

[00:21:20] Heather: That's, that's a totally different thing.

[00:21:22] Gabbie: Yeah, exactly. It was like, just pay attention to every bite and it's like, okay, I mean you can and that'll center you and ground you and you know, blessings. But like,

[00:21:37] Heather: I know diet culture. Oh my God.

[00:21:40] Gabbie: Exactly.

[00:21:40] Heather: It's like the bane of my existence.

[00:21:43] Gabbie: Yes, I know. Exactly. And it's like, but the food thing and then the psychological stuff that goes with it and the societal shit that goes with it. And...

[00:21:54] Heather: Oh yeah.

[00:21:54] Gabbie: I don't think mindfulness is going to get you out of this one, you know?

[00:21:58] Heather: No, I mean, but that's just repackaging control. Yes. Yes.

[00:22:03] Gabbie: That's exactly how mindfulness was marketed to me. It was just repackaging control. And I was like, I don't need to learn more control. I'm pretty good at it. I don't mean to brag, but it's ruined my life.

[00:22:18] Heather: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It, I mean, that's, that's the thing, right? It's like, it's a, it's a minor, it's like this little tweak. of reality, right? Because present, mindful, those things aren't, you don't control those things. Meaning what you're doing is you're trying to bring your mind to something, but it's not in a controlling way.

[00:22:41] Gabbie: No, it's like a gentle what is.

[00:22:43] Heather: Yeah. To what is not to what you need it to be. Or Want it to be, or, you know, it's like, I'm eating, God damn it.

[00:22:56] Gabbie: Which is how I eat most of my meals. Yeah.

[00:22:59] Heather: And then, and then you sit there and you go, am I satiated? Am I satiated? It's like, that's, that's, that's too much. That's not, that's not being mindful. That's just being. Weirdly controlling,

[00:23:11] Gabbie: Yes!

[00:23:11] Heather: Um, yeah.

[00:23:13] Gabbie: And it was like, it's like when they were talking about being mindful of each step, it's like, well, now I just feel like controlling of each step, you know, it was like, place your foot down, feel the heel and then the side of your foot going to the front.

And I was just like, I can't because, oh, because I could feel the compulsivity. That was just around the corner if I started doing that shit.

[00:23:39] Heather: Yeah, yeah.

[00:23:41] Gabbie: It's like, uh, for a while, I don't know if we've talked about it on the pod. I went to Europe with my art club in high school. I stuck around with my best friend.

We were going to go find her ancestors or, I mean, we were 16. We're just going to fuck around. And, uh, My mom, my sister were there. My mom was a chaperone. My sister got to come along because my mom was a chaperone. And then they left, uh, because the trip was over and my best friend and I were going to go gallivanting around. Europe. And I lost my shit, like fully lost my shit. And, uh, we were in a town with cobbled streets and I couldn't walk down the street without touching every single cobble.

[00:24:28] Heather: Yeah.

[00:24:29] Gabbie: With my foot. And then after that, it started being like counting my steps. So the thought of being mindful of placing each foot down, I was like, no, no, That's, that's a bad literal road for me to go it down.

[00:24:47] Heather: Yeah. But you, you hear the opposite of that, right? What is that? You're controlling not doing it.

[00:24:55] Gabbie: Oh, I don't know what you're talking about. I am perfectly perfect at perfecting my perfectness of OCD. Yeah.

[00:25:05] Heather: It sounds like you're building a rule like around something, right? So I can't do this. And so therefore.

[00:25:12] Gabbie: Yeah.

[00:25:12] Heather: You know, because this is this, so I can't, you know, blah, blah, blah.

[00:25:17] Gabbie: Yeah. Okay. I get you. You tied us right back to flexibility beautifully.

[00:25:23] Heather: Well, it's like, it's funny cause that's it. It does always kind of come back to that. Um, You know, I'm not saying as organically, um, maybe it's because we've been talking about it for so long now, um, outside of the podcast. Um, but you know, it's not going to solve everything. It's just another tool to kind of disrupt the cycle of OCD and, um, and disrupt the kind of thinking, um, that we get trapped in, but at the same breath, it can become rigid as well.

[00:25:58] Gabbie: Yes, because we're so good at that, which brings up what you were talking about, uh, that you had read someplace about how this stuff, as people with OCD, the stuff we learn how to disrupt OCD, like the methods that we learn, we have a hard time remembering.

[00:26:23] Heather: Yeah. But it doesn't affect our cognitive ability outside of that, like interests and other things.

[00:26:30] Gabbie: Yeah.

[00:26:30] Heather: It's just hyper specific to, and it's, it was a, I still have to read it cause it was so dry. My like eyeballs fell out. Um, but it was one of those moments where I was like, are you freaking kidding me? Because like, I feel like I'm having the same conversation with my psychiatrist. Like. every session. Like, I'm like, I literally wrote that note last time.

[00:26:52] Gabbie: But here's the thing, man. I, when you said that it felt so true to me, I was like, Oh yeah, that's what's that happens to me too. And, um, like just on the simple, if self compassion doesn't come up in every therapy session I've ever had with a good, you know, OCD therapist or like group.

I don't know what else does. Do you know what I mean? And it's like, it's still so effing hard, but I don't, I mean, I hear how it is specific for OCD people, but I also think that it is. It's probably true for other people who are struggling with other things. It's almost like it's too close to the fire.

[00:27:42] Heather: Yeah.

[00:27:43] Gabbie: There's just so many metaphors here. Too close to the fire. So that is just, it's hot to touch. It's too close to what is, um. the big thing, the underlying issue, the, the neural pathways that we have gone over and over and over in our mind so that the rule that we first set to like, quote unquote, keep ourselves safe, maybe as a kid or whatever.

[00:28:06] Heather: Yeah.

[00:28:07] Gabbie: It, it did keep us safe at one point perhaps. And now it is so ingrained that any, um, methodology that intellectually we know

[00:28:20] Heather: Mm hmm.

[00:28:21] Gabbie: Or even have experience using that we can see it disrupts the OCD and makes our lives better. Yeah. It's still hard to hold onto because of how ingrained those rules and neural pathways are.

[00:28:36] Heather: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's just trying to break, I mean, it's more than just a habit, right? It's deeper than a habit. It's, I mean, you could call it a habit. Oh, it sounds like a habit, but a habit wouldn't be disordered and, um, yeah, it's, it is difficult. And, and self compassion is one of those things for me as well in the past where I felt it was a little woo woo, where I was like, there is no way that this freaking works. There is no way that me being kind to myself in any shape or form or me self soothing or anything like that is going to help me get through this. And it's, I don't know how else to explain it, but it's my go to. If I am like going through some like deep shitty cycle of OCD that once, once I am slightly above water, oh my God, I'm using metaphors too. Um, .

[00:29:39] Gabbie: Good. Great. I love metaphors. ,

[00:29:41] Heather: When I'm slightly above water and I can finally like, you know, breathe.

Mm-Hmm. , um, self-compassion is the one that I go to.

[00:29:50] Gabbie: Yes.

[00:29:50] Heather: Um, like first, almost always like time and time again. Whether or not it works every time, you know, can be debatable, but it does relieve a part of me that I realize that's being extremely self judgmental or critical or, or anything that could be like, when you are intellectualizing, you know, something that you're disordering.

Um, and, and you're just kind of like, it's going, OCD is going rampant and, and you need to find a place to kind of go, okay. It's okay. You know, this is really hard for you.

[00:30:29] Gabbie: Yes. But that right there is a way of disrupting OCD. And so it's difficult. And for me, and I don't know if it's true for you too, but part of the lack of silk self compassion is. This thinking of if I go easy on myself, I am going to fail in some way I'm going to get worse in some way. I'm gonna let people down I'm going to you know, whatever it is. I have to hold myself to an unrealistic standard that I do not hold another human being to would never would feel like it was so cruel.

[00:31:11] Heather: Yeah. Yeah.

[00:31:13] Gabbie: But it's, um, it, and it's, Yeah.

[00:31:18] Heather: Yeah. And it just depends on where you fall in the, in the kind of realm, you know, whether or not you go directly to self criticism or judgment, or if it's a little bit of perfectionism or the fear of something, you know, when you do have kind of an irrational fear, usually for me, it's associated with somebody dying, um, or, or something like that. And so, um, yeah, there is that higher sense of responsibility. that you put on yourself. Um, yeah.

[00:31:53] Gabbie: Yeah. And, uh, it's, it's not helpful.

[00:31:57] Heather: No, not to anybody.

[00:31:59] Gabbie: No, it really is not. But it's such a like lie wrapped up in a lie wrapped up in a lie wrapped up in a lie That I've told myself for so long, you know All of that is to say like, you know in my therapy sessions since I haven't been able to see my NOCD therapist I um over this past week or so, I've really had to like, consciously tell myself, in his words, Gabbie, lie to yourself. Right?

[00:32:38] Heather: Yeah. Yeah.

[00:32:39] Gabbie: Like the good outcome has just as much a possibility of coming true as the absolute worst outcome.

[00:32:47] Heather: Yes. Yes.

[00:32:49] Gabbie: So lie to yourself about the good outcome.

[00:32:52] Heather: Yes.

[00:32:53] Gabbie: Because it truly isn't lying. It's a more realistic view on what--

[00:32:57] Heather: In a sense, he's trying to make you a little bit more flexible in your thinking as well, right? Because I don't know what you have about lying to yourself or fake it to you, make it kind of.

[00:33:11] Gabbie: Yeah. I don't know if you can hear my eyes rolling, but yes.

[00:33:16] Heather: Yeah. I don't like the term fake it till you make it. I mean, I know some people, I don't know. Let's not go there.

[00:33:24] Gabbie: Next podcast.

[00:33:25] Heather: Yeah. Next podcast. Um, but I think, yeah, lying to yourself is a big, is a big one.

[00:33:34] Gabbie: Because that goes into my perfectionism and I know with ADHD, there's this whole, um, compulsive truth that comes with it. It's like I, like confessional almost. And so it's hard to see the line between OCD confessional stuff and ADHD confessional and you know, like. Who's holding the reins inside my head? Metaphor. Um, but like, if I'm not being so honest to the point of like, nobody cares if I'm telling a story and I'm like, and they were chewing strawberry flavored gum versus mint gum. Gum has nothing to do with this fucking story, right? It was about a baseball player who hit a home run. You know what I'm saying? But it's like, The compulsive need to tell the I totally took myself out of my thought process with that one.

[00:34:35] Heather: That's okay. That's okay.

[00:34:36] Gabbie: ADHD, coming through, thinking about other things that I didn't want to, going on a tangent. All the way over there, singing a song and I don't know where it's going. Woo!

[00:34:55] Heather: Well, you know, what's interesting is that ADHD and OCD, they are different, but they're similar. Like there are things that are similar. And now I'm thinking about like what they are and now it's kind of slipping my mind, but compulsions, compulsions. Yeah. You know, it's about a matter of intent. It's almost like it's subtle, but it--

[00:35:14] Gabbie: Yes, that's exactly it.

[00:35:15] Heather: Yeah. Once you know what it is, then it's not as like, it's like, Oh, that's definitely OCD.

[00:35:20] Gabbie: Yeah.

[00:35:21] Heather: You know, it's

[00:35:21] Gabbie: yeah. OCD is intent. ADHD is, um, impulse.

[00:35:26] Heather: Yeah.

[00:35:28] Gabbie: Yeah, and it's hard to tell it, and I, I'm probably already said it on here. I really think my OCD is because of my ADHD. It was like the way in which I, um, kind of masked in order to appear normal, like at school and social things and blah, blah, blah. It's like, well, I just have to white knuckle everything. Yeah. And be in control of all of my impulsivity. And then no one will know that I'm a stone cold weirdo.

[00:35:59] Heather: Yeah. Yeah. It's, and especially if, you know, if some of your intrusive thoughts go by really quick. I mean, this is a new, newer thing that I've learned is how quick some intrusive thoughts can be.

[00:36:13] Gabbie: Yeah.

[00:36:13] Heather: Um, and that lead to compulsions, you know, and the compulsions you see more like, you Whether or not they're in your head or outside, but sometimes it can go as a flash.

[00:36:23] Gabbie: Yes.

[00:36:24] Heather: Oh--

[00:36:25] Gabbie: Yes!

[00:36:25] Heather: Oh, yeah.

[00:36:27] Gabbie: Yeah. A thousand percent.

[00:36:28] Heather: Yeah. It's, it's happening.

[00:36:30] Gabbie: Yeah. Which is another reason why, uh, you know, the CBT model of writing down all of your intrusive thoughts is nonsense because it's like...

[00:36:41] Heather: Oh.

[00:36:42] Gabbie: I can only remember the tail end of that one. And there were 25 after that. And in the time that it took me to tell you this, it's been 75 more. So...

[00:36:50] Heather: Yeah.

[00:36:50] Gabbie: What are we doing?

[00:36:51] Heather: Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Oh, well,

[00:36:56] Gabbie: So anyway, comedy.

[00:36:58] Heather: Did we talk about comedy? I don't think we talked about comedy at all. I mean, I don't know if that's like a requirement to this podcast or I mean, if people come to listen to us talk about comedy,

[00:37:18] Gabbie: Listen. I could have stopped you right there. Does anybody come to listen to us? Period. .

[00:37:23] Heather: They do. They do. They do. I have that is some analytics about that.

[00:37:27] Gabbie: That is cool. That is very cool. Yeah.

[00:37:29] Heather: Yeah. Um, oh, so, okay, let's--

[00:37:33] Gabbie: Oh, I do, wait. Oh yeah, sorry. . There are so many.

[00:37:40] Heather: What do you do?

[00:37:40] Gabbie: Conflicting thoughts that just. Happened all at once. Went into like a full train wreck and only parts came out of my mouth, including now.

[00:37:51] Heather: Most of it came out of your nose.

[00:37:54] Gabbie: And that's for the Patreon viewers to see. Um, no, I was gonna say, we did talk a little bit last week about some comedy stuff. One of the things was, I said I was gonna do wig videos.

I haven't done it, still want to do it though. I think it's still a cool idea, putting on a wig and making a character out of it. And then, uh, you were talking about just doing comedy shit that makes you giggle, that makes me giggle, just for giggles sake.

[00:38:22] Heather: Yeah. Yeah. I, um, I guess because I'm exploring some stuff with my, um, psychiatrist and also taking that ACT class, I've been trying to, um, backtrack a little tiny bit because I felt like I was pressuring myself to do too many things at once. And therefore I wasn't doing anything. And, um, and it's frustrating because there's a lot of stuff happening, but not a lot of stuff being produced other than this podcast, because this podcast actually has deadlines.

And so it gets done. So I started thinking about how to be more flexible. And maybe doing something new, like, uh, one thing, um, was to try to do, um, something new each month in terms of teaching myself something new and, um, you know, whether it be writing or for comedy, but it's mostly for what I want to do in the future.

And so, um, and teaching myself something like a new skill and seeing if whether or not I want to continue doing it. Um, because I was surprised like how I'm not, I'm not an audio expert at all. By any mean, but, um, how quickly I was able to adapt and edit our podcast. Um, and so that's becoming a skillset and I was thinking, well, if I can do that, then why not try some other things that I've always wanted to do?

And so that's kind of like what I'm working towards. And then, um, writing, I think again, still by, um, I think right now I'm just doing it by inspiration rather than deadline. So at least for right now, because I feel like I'm going through some stuff. And so I, I just want to be a little bit easier on myself.

[00:40:05] Gabbie: Good. I like that last part.

[00:40:07] Heather: Yeah, gotta do it.

[00:40:11] Gabbie: Go easier on yourself and lie to yourself.

[00:40:13] Heather: Yep.

[00:40:15] Gabbie: Unless you're Donald Trump, in which case I know because fuck that off.

[00:40:20] Heather: Well, because going easy on myself is It's like lying to myself because I am not easy on myself whatsoever. Like I am the most critical to myself than I am to anybody else. So yeah.

[00:40:37] Gabbie: So pinky promise. That is not a rule. Let's lie to ourselves. And if we're lying about that, that's fine.

[00:40:46] Heather: Yeah. That's fine too.

[00:40:48] Gabbie: Okay.

[00:40:49] Heather: Well, it sounds like this is the end of the pod.

[00:40:51] Gabbie: Oh, I think it is, but not forever. There's going to be another episode, right? Yeah. Right?

[00:40:56] Heather: Yeah. Yeah. And a future interview.

[00:40:59] Gabbie: I know, which I'm very excited about.

[00:41:01] Heather: I'm very excited, too. I'm not going to say which episode it's going to be because last time I did that, it didn't work out too well for us.

[00:41:11] Gabbie: So let's be flexible with when the interview episode will be.

[00:41:19] Heather: That's good. Okay. Yes. Yeah. So, um, so this is the end of the pod and, um, thank you for, um, listening to us and, uh, goodbye.

[00:41:30] Gabbie: Bye.

[00:41:37] [🎵 Outro Music]

Gabbie: Welcome to the end of the show. This is Gabbie Blachman.

Heather: And this is Heather Nye.

Gabbie: Thank you for listening to Comically Exposed. We are just a little show with two creators who edit and produce each episode. We appreciate all your support.

Heather: If you like what you heard, please follow us on Instagram at comicallyexp.podcast that's C O M I C A L L Y E X P dot podcast.

Gabbie: Or subscribe to us on Spotify or wherever. You listen to podcasts. New episodes drop every other Wednesday.

Heather: Also, special thanks to Track Club and Gxldxn Fxnch for providing the music.

Gabbie: Thanks for listening and hey, everybody, today is a great day to expose yourself. Okay, until next time, ta da for ta da! Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye!

Heather: Bye! Bye! Bye!