Happy First Birthday, Podcast! Gabbie moves to her new place and finds a note with a hot take on Dan Aykroyd. Heather wants to get messy and be more open. We discuss OCD's best friend the backdoor spike. Also, self-compassion and new catchphrases for the show.
More interview episodes to come. And more of us too.
//Therapy acronyms mentioned//
ADHD: Attention-Deficit/Hyperactive Disorder
//Therapy terms mentioned//
Backdoor spike (OCD), Judgement, Perfectionism, Self-compassion
//Connect with Gabbie and Heather//
Instagram: @comicallyexp.podcast
Interwebs (text or voice message): comicallyexposed.com/
Thank you for listening (and reading the show notes)!
[00:00:07] Welcome to Comically Exposed, the podcast where we talked about comedy and OCD and really all
[00:00:14] the mentals that you can shake a stick at. I am one of the hosts, Gabbie Blachman and
[00:00:20] the other fabulous host is Heather Nye. And guess what everybody? It is our birthday.
[00:00:29] Yay!
[00:00:31] It has a little bit of like sound effects of like an entire crowd going crazy.
[00:00:34] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:00:36] Something I think in the realm of like a Beyonce concert is probably the level right?
[00:00:41] Yeah, yeah. Yes, especially for a one year old birthday of the podcast.
[00:00:47] That's right. We made it here.
[00:00:50] Yay!
[00:00:52] Okay, we could I you know, I used to work at the Olive Garden, not to brag.
[00:01:00] And it was before happy birthday was like free to use the song, you know?
[00:01:08] So every like establishment had their own happy birthday song and it was something like, you know, happy, happy birthday.
[00:01:15] We're super happy you're here and hear some wine and hear some pasta and everybody's family or something like that.
[00:01:24] Is that the real one?
[00:01:26] No, I don't remember it. That's the thing.
[00:01:28] Oh, okay, okay.
[00:01:29] I like very consciously tried to lose that one and also there was like a whole spiel where like you came to the table to like introduce yourself as the server
[00:01:40] and you bought brought like one of their really crappy large bottles of wine, you know, that we got like in a vat and then put into these like ridiculous bottles and then had a whole spiel anyway.
[00:01:54] Welcome to comically exposed where I just talked about old jobs I had.
[00:01:58] There is goals that I had to memorize.
[00:02:01] Oh my gosh, Heather, how are you?
[00:02:03] What's going on?
[00:02:04] I am.
[00:02:06] What's going on?
[00:02:07] What is going on?
[00:02:10] Right before this I was listening to a World Politics podcast again, bragging and it's sad out there.
[00:02:21] Oh yeah.
[00:02:22] Yeah.
[00:02:23] Yeah, it's hard to, I mean, there's part of it is kind of a, I feel like it's with blashing of, oh, it could go better and then that's terrible.
[00:02:33] I don't want to read about that.
[00:02:36] Yeah, 1000%.
[00:02:37] It's like, you know, going through phases of only listening to comedy podcasts and then I go through phases of only listening to politics podcasts.
[00:02:47] And a third thing that would make this a joke but yeah, but yeah, you know, got nothing.
[00:02:53] Got nothing.
[00:02:54] It's only comedy and and politics, but not, but not together.
[00:03:00] Not together.
[00:03:01] They are together.
[00:03:02] Yes, they are.
[00:03:03] Yeah, they definitely are.
[00:03:04] That's the only way that I can digest politics.
[00:03:08] Yeah, yeah, that's not true, but it makes it all go down easier.
[00:03:13] Okay anyway, whatever.
[00:03:17] I don't know.
[00:03:18] You did say to me, hey, should we prepare something for our birthday podcast and I was like, no, it's going to be so good.
[00:03:27] It's just going to be freewheeling.
[00:03:29] And here we are.
[00:03:30] My brain is going 1000 times a second and my tongue feels very slow and dumb.
[00:03:35] I don't know how you're feeling, but I feel blank.
[00:03:42] So again, professionals.
[00:03:46] But I will say shout out to everybody that we've had on the pod and that we've interviewed it has been so lovely and really interesting to talk to other people.
[00:03:56] Now that that's out of the way.
[00:03:58] I have missed talking to you and like catching up on where you are in your OCD slash mental journey.
[00:04:06] Same.
[00:04:06] Do you have any?
[00:04:08] Okay.
[00:04:08] Same with you too.
[00:04:10] Yeah.
[00:04:11] I've missed it terribly.
[00:04:13] Just kidding.
[00:04:14] I do, I have enjoyed all our interviews.
[00:04:16] They've been really fun to kind of like hear about mental health, whether or not they had OCD or not.
[00:04:23] And how they get work done, you know, because sometimes I struggle with it.
[00:04:28] And I struggle with that, you know.
[00:04:29] And luckily for this podcast, I actually like editing our podcast.
[00:04:36] It's amazing.
[00:04:37] Only because, you know, it just, it's entertaining to me and I get to listen to the podcast as, you know, as it goes.
[00:04:44] Fine.
[00:04:44] Anyway, and I know you asked me a question.
[00:04:48] I did.
[00:04:48] How are my mentals going?
[00:04:51] They have been, I would say a solid okay.
[00:04:56] Ooh, coming.
[00:04:57] I know.
[00:04:58] I know.
[00:04:58] I am, I am.
[00:05:00] I think it's funny because I'm going through and I don't know if it's because summertime kind of a waving of kind of some backdoor spikes of OCD, some weird, almost like a revolt against doing things for my OCD.
[00:05:17] Oh yeah.
[00:05:19] That's good stuff.
[00:05:20] Yeah.
[00:05:20] Which has been great, but then also on top of that, it seems like I have this weird thing where it's like, oh, now that it's not here.
[00:05:28] Uh-huh.
[00:05:31] You know, doing one ritual is okay.
[00:05:35] Oh my God, so real.
[00:05:37] I know.
[00:05:38] And then it just tumbles into chaos and I, you know, miss an entire week and go, what just happened?
[00:05:44] You know, it's like a drunk college student falling out of a window.
[00:05:49] Oh my God.
[00:05:51] Yeah.
[00:05:53] Classic.
[00:05:55] Classic college student out the window because drunk for a week.
[00:05:58] Nah, we've all been there.
[00:06:00] Yeah.
[00:06:00] Yeah.
[00:06:01] How about you?
[00:06:01] How are you doing?
[00:06:02] I'm good.
[00:06:03] No, I mean, that's not a real answer, but I just wanted to say something so that I could ask you questions.
[00:06:09] Oh sure, sure, sure.
[00:06:11] Sure, you can ignore everything, you know, that I just asked you and just go right into question.
[00:06:16] Yeah, I just denied.
[00:06:20] The answer is fine.
[00:06:22] The answer is good.
[00:06:25] Um, I was going to ask you what is a backdoor spike of OCD?
[00:06:30] What do you mean by that?
[00:06:33] Uh, the way that I understand it is, is when OCD just kind of rear its, you know, awful head into my brain with something a little bit different.
[00:06:50] At least that's the way that mine presents.
[00:06:52] Sometimes it's like the same flavor because I tend to have more of an existential kind of meta OCD stuff that happens to me.
[00:07:02] And anyway, it just kind of shows up and sometimes it shows up big and sometimes it shows up small.
[00:07:09] So I have one that just kind of made my compulsion to ruminate set my brain on fire.
[00:07:18] Uh, and then there is this realization that I was ruminating and then I stopped as I've been trained, you know, in my mind, you know, to like go, oh, nope, that's rumination.
[00:07:31] And then take notice of the OCD.
[00:07:35] And the thing is, is that when you get out of practice as I have gotten into just noticing when a intrusive thought shows up, I didn't notice that the intrusive thought showed up.
[00:07:46] Yeah.
[00:07:48] Not that I bashed myself. I did.
[00:07:52] And, and made myself feel like a horrible person for not doing the simplest task.
[00:07:57] Yeah, just kidding. It's not simple. It sounds simple. It's not simple.
[00:08:03] Yeah. And I did do a lot of forgiveness for myself to like go, okay, you know, you're just human and throwing a little self compassionate myself and then go, okay, you know, this is what happens.
[00:08:14] But sometimes when you're in, um, I don't know if I'm in recovery phase.
[00:08:20] Um, but when you're in a recovery phase or nearing a recovery phase, backdoor spikes happen.
[00:08:27] Oh, I don't know if they happen stronger, but they feel like they happen stronger because your brain's really trying to get you to pay attention to the emergency that it's telling you it's having or the bad feeling that it wants you to have that you don't want to have, you know.
[00:08:44] I don't know. I feel like this is a long explanation for something.
[00:08:47] Yes, it is. It's good. It's exactly what I wanted to hear.
[00:08:51] Okay.
[00:08:52] Yeah. And I also really good explanation and it made me think of like the brain offering up just like a shit feeling on like a silver platter and being like, huh, right?
[00:09:05] I cooked your favorite. Look at that.
[00:09:08] Look, it's guilt, shame and fear all together.
[00:09:11] All together. Hold on. There is a gravy and existential dread.
[00:09:16] Yep. Yep. Yep.
[00:09:21] Our brains are so cool, dude.
[00:09:24] Yeah, they are.
[00:09:26] Well, I'm sorry that that's happening as you were talking. I was thinking about it like it's interesting because when you're in the midst of like an OCD hail storm or something like that, then you're like, okay, all hands on deck.
[00:09:39] Mix metaphors, mix metaphors.
[00:09:42] Let's pull out every tool we have. Let's start putting them into practice. Let's start making it routine.
[00:09:49] And then you're just kind of like, okay, that's an intrusive thought. That's a rumination. That's a compulsion, you know, and just pointing out all the things and then you have the tool that is working for you at the time.
[00:10:02] And it's like just going to ignore it, going to go back to a valued activity, going to talk back to OCD, whatever it is.
[00:10:09] And so then it's like your defenses are so robust.
[00:10:15] And then so it kind of shrinks the OCD down because you're just like pew, pew, pew, pew, right?
[00:10:22] Take it down all the little, I don't know, things that they're OCD.
[00:10:26] I love the sound effects. The sound effects are exactly what happens. Yeah.
[00:10:29] Good, because the vocabulary is not happening. So it's going to be a largely sound effects podcast today.
[00:10:37] But then the OCD has shrunk and it's like not trying it as much. You know what I mean?
[00:10:44] It's not tossing an intrusive thought at you multiple times a minute, not even like multiple times an hour.
[00:10:52] And so then it's almost as if, oh boy, just metaphors on metaphors.
[00:10:58] It's almost as if you're trying to go to the gym to work out to practice your tools against OCD and the gym is just shut.
[00:11:08] And the hours of operation are like from 2.15 a.m. to 2.27 a.m.
[00:11:19] And that's it. And it's only on Tuesdays.
[00:11:22] And so then it's like, I don't know.
[00:11:26] It's just this constant back and forth between OCD shrinking and you using your tools and then OCD or your tools kind of falling to the wayside.
[00:11:36] Your ability to notice or acknowledge like this is an intrusive thought versus this is one of my thoughts that I'm enjoying thinking about.
[00:11:45] Yeah.
[00:11:46] And then the OCD pounces because it's been working out the gym when you have been blocked from the gym.
[00:11:54] It's been using your membership and sneaking in and looking out and taking anabolic steroids for sure.
[00:12:00] Yeah, that feels so true.
[00:12:02] Because it's like one of those things where you're just like, wow, I'm a normie.
[00:12:06] Yeah, totally.
[00:12:07] I'm having regular thoughts.
[00:12:09] And then all of a sudden this little sneaky, little muscly thing shows up and goes, what about this?
[00:12:18] Exactly.
[00:12:19] And then it's like, ah!
[00:12:21] And then you just fall back into place.
[00:12:24] And that's the thing is as we're talking about exercise as a metaphor, it truly is about practicing.
[00:12:32] And exercising those tools.
[00:12:35] And the thing that was happening was I was becoming a little looser with my, you know, exercising.
[00:12:41] Not to say that I have to be so obsessive about, you know, working out because even that is, you know, like that kind of overly preventative, you know, tactics are can be turning into OCD compulsions as well.
[00:13:00] Yeah, I know it's fun.
[00:13:01] It's like when you go is that a weird thought?
[00:13:03] Yeah, it is a weird thought.
[00:13:04] But you know, do you put that much emphasis on it?
[00:13:08] Do you put more, you know, whatever?
[00:13:10] I can't find the words.
[00:13:11] I'm having a hard time with words as well.
[00:13:13] Use a sound effect.
[00:13:14] It's going to be great.
[00:13:16] Or just toss one in after the fact you're the editor.
[00:13:20] You know, all of a sudden we just have a lot of sound effects in this episode.
[00:13:27] Exactly.
[00:13:28] It becomes a morning zoo sort of.
[00:13:30] Yeah, yeah.
[00:13:31] Radio.
[00:13:32] Yeah, yeah.
[00:13:33] That's that's exactly where we're going towards.
[00:13:35] I mean, it's no longer going the direction of murder podcast.
[00:13:39] We're doing shock jock.
[00:13:41] Radio world politics also murder, but we're just advocating.
[00:13:47] Yeah.
[00:13:48] Yeah.
[00:13:49] We're doing the murders on the podcast.
[00:13:52] And then we leave it up to the audience to start their own podcast to solve it.
[00:13:56] Right.
[00:13:56] Yeah, very inclusive.
[00:13:58] It's inclusive.
[00:14:00] It perpetuates it's, you know, yeah, it's timely.
[00:14:05] It's as we say on the pot and it is our catchphrase some catchphrase.
[00:14:11] It is a catchphrase.
[00:14:13] It is because it's singular.
[00:14:15] So it's one catchphrase, which is some people deserve to be murdered.
[00:14:19] Okay.
[00:14:20] I can't.
[00:14:21] Sorry.
[00:14:24] Okay.
[00:14:25] Okay.
[00:14:25] Interjection on how I'm doing with my mental.
[00:14:27] Oh yeah.
[00:14:28] How are you doing?
[00:14:29] Okay.
[00:14:29] Thank you for sending the table.
[00:14:32] I realized that I've been thinking about death a lot lately, which I'm usually thinking
[00:14:38] about death.
[00:14:39] If you just sort of were like, you know, 1030 AM, Hey, Gabby, how are you doing?
[00:14:43] I'm good.
[00:14:44] Oh yeah.
[00:14:45] What you're thinking about death, you know, death of my loved ones.
[00:14:51] Not in a proactive sense.
[00:14:53] I don't mean that I am homicidal in that aspect, but just,
[00:14:56] But I know that's the thought you're thinking about that you're trying to not say, right?
[00:15:00] Yeah, exactly.
[00:15:01] Don't look at my search history.
[00:15:02] It's totally normal.
[00:15:04] But like picturing or feeling the grief that will come unless here's hope and I die first
[00:15:18] that comes with losing loved ones, right?
[00:15:21] And it's not a new like literally as soon as I knew about death, you know, as like a five
[00:15:27] or six year old, it's been the constant thought in the back of my brain is like my mom, my
[00:15:32] dad, my sister.
[00:15:33] Yep.
[00:15:34] You know, you know the jam, I'm sure.
[00:15:37] Yes, I do.
[00:15:38] I do know it very well.
[00:15:39] Yeah.
[00:15:40] It's a pretty sweet jam.
[00:15:42] You can play it all the time.
[00:15:43] Goes with everything toast.
[00:15:46] Anyway, so but the pace has picked up and this is like one of the sometimes precursors to a
[00:15:56] bit of depression or something like that.
[00:15:58] And I went, oh, right, because it's about to be fall and fall to me is seasonal depression.
[00:16:06] Yes.
[00:16:08] Not even all of winter because as soon as we hit the solstice and the days start to
[00:16:14] actively get longer, right?
[00:16:16] Yeah.
[00:16:16] Yeah.
[00:16:17] Then I'm like, we're cool, but from sometime September ish, I realize we haven't hit the
[00:16:24] fall equinox.
[00:16:27] Shout out astrophysics degree.
[00:16:29] These are the things that I remember, you know, and I'm going to put them all in this
[00:16:32] pod.
[00:16:33] That's fine.
[00:16:34] Good, good, good.
[00:16:37] Everybody needs to remember this also is very relatable.
[00:16:40] Yes.
[00:16:42] Yeah.
[00:16:42] It's very relatable.
[00:16:44] Cool.
[00:16:44] Yeah, I feel the same way.
[00:16:46] Like after the longest day instantly, I know there's this trigger that everything gets
[00:16:50] shorter.
[00:16:50] Yes.
[00:16:51] And it's not as if I'm out here in the sunlight, you know, soaking it up, trying to
[00:16:57] enjoy all this grand sight.
[00:17:00] Like I don't know how it actually affects me on a day to day basis because I work
[00:17:04] from home and I work on my computer and the sunlight doesn't come into play a
[00:17:09] heck of a lot there.
[00:17:10] But something about the fact that it starts to get dark earlier, and that's the
[00:17:14] other thing too.
[00:17:15] I love nighttime.
[00:17:17] I absolutely like it's when my brain turns on fully.
[00:17:21] It's, you know, when I feel most alive, it's also when less people are out
[00:17:26] and about and that just feels better.
[00:17:27] But there's just something about pumpkin spice lattes that just sends me into
[00:17:32] a downward spiral.
[00:17:36] Again, existential dread and torment.
[00:17:39] Uh-huh.
[00:17:40] Or as I like to call it a double ooo because I do not like coffee or pumpkin.
[00:17:45] A thousand percent.
[00:17:47] I don't know.
[00:17:48] You were also not a coffee drinker.
[00:17:50] Yeah, I am not a coffee drinker.
[00:17:51] Yeah.
[00:17:53] We can still learn new things about each other.
[00:17:57] One year in, you know, I know.
[00:17:59] I know.
[00:18:02] I do however drink.
[00:18:05] I don't want to call it a coffee substitute.
[00:18:08] A coffee substitute.
[00:18:10] Yeah.
[00:18:11] Thank you.
[00:18:13] But I'm going to say it because it brings me great shame.
[00:18:17] So I'm going to say it.
[00:18:19] It's roasted cacao that you make in a French press like you were making
[00:18:24] coffee, but there's like little to no caffeine to it.
[00:18:28] It has something called like thraffene or something that I'm like,
[00:18:33] okay, well, that was just a marketing ploy.
[00:18:34] Like that's not a real chemical component, but nice work guys.
[00:18:39] But it's kind of like drinking the wateriest hot chocolate you've
[00:18:44] ever had.
[00:18:45] And if that doesn't sound appealing, you're right.
[00:18:48] But I do love it.
[00:18:51] But they also this company, Creo, let's get a sponsorship by
[00:18:56] the way.
[00:18:57] Yeah, Rio.
[00:18:58] Yeah.
[00:18:59] Uh, they make it's like watery water, watery chocolate, watery,
[00:19:04] watery hot chocolate.
[00:19:06] Because I think what people have always said is what would make
[00:19:09] hot chocolate better?
[00:19:10] One, no sugar to no dairy, no cream to it at all.
[00:19:16] And just sort of a watered down chocolate taste with extra
[00:19:21] water.
[00:19:22] We'll make it.
[00:19:23] Delicious.
[00:19:26] I like that this is your shame.
[00:19:28] Yeah, I'm not worried how I'm talking about it.
[00:19:33] But you like it, right?
[00:19:35] I do actually.
[00:19:36] I really love it.
[00:19:37] So why is it a shame?
[00:19:38] Because most of the people that I, you know, I'm like here,
[00:19:42] try some they're like, mm, mm.
[00:19:46] Do you have any coffee?
[00:19:50] 100%.
[00:19:51] I don't.
[00:19:52] And it also just feels like such a hippie thing.
[00:19:54] I don't know to be like, oh, I actually don't drink coffee.
[00:19:57] I drink a cacao alternative.
[00:20:03] Yeah, I guess you're kind of a snob.
[00:20:05] Thank you.
[00:20:05] Okay.
[00:20:06] Well, I'll take that.
[00:20:07] That does give me high status at the very least.
[00:20:10] Yeah.
[00:20:10] Hippy to me is like the lowest one having gone to
[00:20:14] University of California, Santa Cruz.
[00:20:17] Do you know what I mean?
[00:20:18] It's like I've had my hippie fill.
[00:20:20] I also was a naturalist in an outdoor school had my hippie fill.
[00:20:25] The first school that I went to was on the East Coast friends
[00:20:28] world program shout out kind of don't exist anymore had my
[00:20:32] hippie fell.
[00:20:33] It's just, it's a flavor of white people that is just.
[00:20:38] And I know that we have worst flavors.
[00:20:42] You know, in the white contingent, but it doesn't seem
[00:20:45] like a good one.
[00:20:46] Like patchouli alone should be a war crime.
[00:20:53] Seren gas patchouli equal.
[00:21:00] And that's what I got from my world politics.
[00:21:08] All from all from your drink in the morning.
[00:21:11] Exactly.
[00:21:13] I don't even want to talk about my drink this much, but of
[00:21:15] course I'm going to because Creole brew.
[00:21:18] What a great drink.
[00:21:19] What a what a pal order now put in comically exposed at a
[00:21:24] website of your choosing and get no money off.
[00:21:28] I see that's the kind of sponsor agreed.
[00:21:32] Yeah, they could have.
[00:21:34] Yeah, I mean, I haven't been pursuing sponsors at all.
[00:21:38] So Heather, we have dozens of one.
[00:21:46] Dozens.
[00:21:49] Yeah, I actually wanted to talk about my move because that's
[00:21:54] pretty much what I've been doing this summer and it has
[00:21:58] been the biggest aspect of my OCD and ADHD is truly all
[00:22:05] the mentals have sort of like rammed together for this
[00:22:09] process that is unending.
[00:22:13] Yeah, so well, moving is hard.
[00:22:16] Thank you. Oh yeah.
[00:22:17] And this goes to what you were saying before about the
[00:22:18] compassion.
[00:22:19] Yeah, having the worst time being self compassionate through
[00:22:25] this process.
[00:22:25] Yeah, that can.
[00:22:27] Yeah, that's.
[00:22:30] That's a hard one, especially when voices in your head
[00:22:34] telling you otherwise, you know, yes, specifically
[00:22:37] voices that say, you know, one other people don't have this
[00:22:42] much stuff, which is not true.
[00:22:47] Well, but so contextual, like some people don't have this
[00:22:51] much stuff.
[00:22:52] Again, people currently in the Sudan, I'm guessing.
[00:22:56] Yes, not have this much stuff or maybe they do.
[00:22:58] They just don't have food.
[00:23:00] I'm sorry to mean to make light of a truly horrific
[00:23:02] humanitarian situation.
[00:23:04] But again, world politics.
[00:23:07] But then there are Americans who all we have is stuff and
[00:23:11] then there are hoarders, which is one of my nightmare.
[00:23:15] Like if I am ever diagnosed as a hoarder that is like, again,
[00:23:20] it's like being called a hippie.
[00:23:22] Like this is what I do not want to be diagnosed with.
[00:23:26] Yes.
[00:23:27] Yes.
[00:23:28] And I'm having your hoarder.
[00:23:30] What hippie or hoarder?
[00:23:32] You're hoarder.
[00:23:34] Got to be one thing that starts with an eight, you know, hippie
[00:23:38] hoarder or haberdashery and I will take hats every time.
[00:23:43] Yes.
[00:23:46] So I took almost a month to paint my studio apartment and
[00:23:51] I don't know have we talked about it on the pod?
[00:23:53] The amount of...
[00:23:55] No, I don't think so.
[00:23:56] Okay.
[00:23:56] So real quick, there's a tiny kitchen.
[00:23:58] There's a tiny, like living studio bedroom space.
[00:24:03] And then there's a tiny bathroom and I chose nine different
[00:24:08] shades of white for the studio.
[00:24:11] I chose six yellow pale pale yellows for the kitchen and
[00:24:16] four different shades of blue for the bathroom.
[00:24:19] And I painted all of these things on multiple walls in
[00:24:24] those places to see how the light would be.
[00:24:28] Smart.
[00:24:29] Is it or is it OCD?
[00:24:31] No, I think that's pretty smart.
[00:24:34] Okay.
[00:24:34] Because you have to live with the color.
[00:24:36] All right.
[00:24:37] That's all my OCD group facilitator said as well.
[00:24:39] Yeah.
[00:24:40] But why would I believe you people?
[00:24:43] You like me.
[00:24:45] I'm going to believe the OCD voice that hates me.
[00:24:48] Yeah.
[00:24:49] Yeah.
[00:24:49] Yeah.
[00:24:50] Yeah.
[00:24:50] That you're choosing too many.
[00:24:52] Yes.
[00:24:53] That nobody chooses this many.
[00:24:54] Yes.
[00:24:54] That you should just know which one and just paint it.
[00:24:58] Uh-huh.
[00:24:59] Exactly.
[00:25:00] And then the perfectionism comes in, which is this building
[00:25:04] is built in 1952.
[00:25:07] So the amount of paint that has been in this place is a lot.
[00:25:12] And so there are old drips, right?
[00:25:15] There are like gaps in areas that I had to fill in with
[00:25:19] plaster or spackling.
[00:25:21] And my perfectionism was just like,
[00:25:26] but what if we make it so good?
[00:25:29] What if it's perfect?
[00:25:32] What if it's perfect and it levels up everything your life?
[00:25:38] It changes your entire life.
[00:25:40] Yeah.
[00:25:41] It's like a sliding doors situation.
[00:25:43] Yeah.
[00:25:44] If you did this perfectly, if this splotch or this hole
[00:25:49] or this paint drip is gone,
[00:25:55] your life will be perfect.
[00:25:57] So I actively tried to leave some paint spotches and it sucks.
[00:26:03] And the other piece is there's like little boundaries
[00:26:08] where paint meets tile or another paint color or whatever.
[00:26:14] And I have teeny tiny little brushes and I still have the cans
[00:26:21] of paint, like the dregs of the gallon paints.
[00:26:25] And I still have the idea that I'm going to go through
[00:26:27] and I'm going to fix every single one of these borders.
[00:26:37] Your laughter was so cleansing in that moment.
[00:26:41] Thank you.
[00:26:44] Thank you.
[00:26:44] Oh, yeah.
[00:26:46] Oh, because at what point do I let go of that?
[00:26:49] Because part of me, every time I go to let go of it,
[00:26:54] my hands pick it right back up again.
[00:26:57] The other thing that I'm doing is I have gone through all of my clothes.
[00:27:01] We were talking about jeans before we started recording.
[00:27:03] Oh yeah.
[00:27:04] Yeah.
[00:27:04] I had like, I'm going to say 50 pairs of jeans.
[00:27:10] Oh, maybe that's hyperbolic.
[00:27:13] But a lot.
[00:27:14] I had like a lot of jeans and I would say 15 pairs of those jeans
[00:27:21] were on a shelf waiting for me to take them to a tailor
[00:27:25] so that they would fit me so that I would wear them.
[00:27:33] Oh, that's real.
[00:27:34] Okay, cool.
[00:27:36] Cool.
[00:27:37] Yeah.
[00:27:37] Because thankfully my best friend came over and let me put on
[00:27:42] every piece of clothing I owned, not at the same time.
[00:27:45] And then she quickly went through and was like, yes, no, yes, no,
[00:27:48] no, no, no, no, no, right?
[00:27:49] Which was great.
[00:27:51] Again, this is where I'm like, dear God, please don't let me be a hoarder.
[00:27:56] In my folks garage, I have put all of the giveaway stuff,
[00:28:02] but I haven't taken it to goodwill.
[00:28:06] And part of that is hours.
[00:28:11] Like every single day since July 1st, I have been packing and making
[00:28:19] decisions and going through stuff and painting and fixing hardware.
[00:28:26] Oh, I flipped my sink.
[00:28:28] The hot was in the cold spot and the cold was in the hot spot.
[00:28:32] You know, somebody flipped them.
[00:28:34] Yeah.
[00:28:34] So I flipped them myself.
[00:28:36] Hey, flipped them back.
[00:28:39] Right?
[00:28:39] But also so many of these little teeny tiny things, I'm out of my mind.
[00:28:44] I am.
[00:28:45] It has been so mostly what I've been doing is driving 30 minutes going
[00:28:50] to Aquorubics in the morning because I haven't picked a pool
[00:28:54] around here yet.
[00:28:55] Then immediately going to my folks place, showering, packing,
[00:29:01] putting stuff in the giveaway pile, all the things.
[00:29:06] And then driving stuff back here, then working, then putting away
[00:29:12] stuff here and sometimes going back for another load of stuff.
[00:29:15] And so the true deadline is to get all of my shit out of my
[00:29:20] folks place with the last stuff being the giveaway because
[00:29:26] when my folks come back, they have stuff to give away as well.
[00:29:30] So it can all kind of...
[00:29:31] How am I talking about this?
[00:29:32] Oh, self compassion.
[00:29:38] You know, it's like other people not only have less stuff, other
[00:29:43] people can make decisions more efficiently.
[00:29:46] Other people don't assign or like see something from childhood
[00:29:50] have that memory rushback and then cannot let go of whatever
[00:29:54] that thing is.
[00:29:57] Other people can have more self compassion than I can through
[00:30:02] this whole process.
[00:30:03] So you're judging that you don't have enough self compassion in
[00:30:10] order to move out of your place that you've lived in for a while
[00:30:14] and moving into a new place.
[00:30:16] It's hard.
[00:30:18] You have to give yourself that.
[00:30:19] It is hard.
[00:30:20] And the whole process of moving, especially when you have a
[00:30:24] lot of other stuff going on can make it a lot, can make it tough.
[00:30:29] That's a lot.
[00:30:30] That's a lot because you're not...
[00:30:31] You're judging yourself compassion, your inability to have
[00:30:35] self compassion for yourself.
[00:30:38] Oh, oh, Gabby.
[00:30:39] Yeah, no, it's good, especially because a lot of this is just
[00:30:42] me on my own.
[00:30:43] One, because I can't ask for help or show vulnerability or
[00:30:48] not be dependent.
[00:30:50] But two, because people work during the day.
[00:30:54] Yeah.
[00:30:54] And thus cannot help me.
[00:30:57] I don't know why their bosses aren't just like, you know what
[00:30:59] you should do is go help somebody I don't know move.
[00:31:04] But yeah, being alone with all of these thoughts, with the
[00:31:08] intrusive thoughts and the whatever else is just horrendous.
[00:31:12] Yeah.
[00:31:13] Yeah, it does not sound fun at all.
[00:31:17] I am so sorry.
[00:31:19] Thank you.
[00:31:20] So when are you flying down?
[00:31:23] So that you can tell me.
[00:31:25] Yeah, I will pick up the rest of your jeans and...
[00:31:32] Dude.
[00:31:34] Okay.
[00:31:35] So then that's the other piece is I am sitting with
[00:31:40] discomfort, which is the OCD part, right?
[00:31:43] Yes.
[00:31:43] Which is I throw things away and the thoughts are, should
[00:31:48] that be recycled?
[00:31:49] How do you recycle something that's like melded plastic
[00:31:52] with fabric with plutonium and then also like, what if
[00:32:00] somebody could actually get use out of it?
[00:32:02] What if you just put 20 minutes into this leather bag
[00:32:06] that's completely lost all shape and the zipper is broken
[00:32:09] and just like fixed it and then gave it away so that
[00:32:12] somebody could have use for it instead of it going to
[00:32:14] a landfill for all eternity.
[00:32:17] Yeah.
[00:32:17] And then putting the garbage can out onto the corner
[00:32:22] having it get picked up and then the feeling of never
[00:32:27] being able to touch that stupid leather bag that is
[00:32:31] useless and I don't want it anymore but the sense
[00:32:36] of like, I don't know, do you ever experience anything
[00:32:39] like that?
[00:32:40] Yeah.
[00:32:41] There's some attachment stuff.
[00:32:43] I have a hard time sometimes letting go of some
[00:32:45] things.
[00:32:46] Other things I'm just like, I can't wait to get it
[00:32:49] rid of it.
[00:32:50] But I have recently started editing out my closet
[00:32:55] not just because of the pandemic, you know, delayed
[00:32:59] a bunch of stuff and so now the clothes that was
[00:33:02] there I was like, wow, that was old before.
[00:33:05] Now I really need to get rid of that.
[00:33:07] But I actually created some piles and I'm taking
[00:33:12] them right to Goodwill.
[00:33:15] But see, that's the thing is that I think when you do
[00:33:18] a little bit of an over analysis, I think that's
[00:33:22] when you have to check yourself and go, whoa, wait
[00:33:26] now, do I sit back and look at this as a big picture?
[00:33:29] Would I ever use this leather bag?
[00:33:31] You know, and sometimes I think it might help to
[00:33:34] even limit the options.
[00:33:36] Oh, what do you mean?
[00:33:38] So like, I think back in the day there was like
[00:33:41] this thing where you have three buckets.
[00:33:44] It's either throw away, give away or donate or, yeah,
[00:33:49] donate or giveaway or keep.
[00:33:52] And sometimes I think sometimes it's better to just
[00:33:55] kind of make the filters simpler to kind of give
[00:33:58] yourself permission to let it go.
[00:34:01] Yeah.
[00:34:02] Yes.
[00:34:03] Because I know we all want to save the world.
[00:34:05] Yeah.
[00:34:06] But sometimes you have to save yourself.
[00:34:09] Yeah, exactly.
[00:34:10] And the saving of the world pivots on whether or not
[00:34:12] I throw away that leather bag and we all know it.
[00:34:18] I was thinking it.
[00:34:20] I was thinking if Gabby threw that leather bag away
[00:34:25] instead of donating or giving it away,
[00:34:28] she would basically kill all the baby seals.
[00:34:33] And which has been my plan this whole time?
[00:34:36] Yeah.
[00:34:36] Yeah.
[00:34:36] Yeah.
[00:34:36] I mean, I'm well aware.
[00:34:39] You are.
[00:34:40] I know because I won't be talking about it.
[00:34:43] Yeah.
[00:34:45] I know the over responsibility of OCD,
[00:34:48] over responsibility for other people's feelings
[00:34:50] and the world and I don't know what else,
[00:34:55] other stuff that I probably think is normal but isn't.
[00:34:59] Yeah.
[00:35:00] I always find myself when I get over when I'm
[00:35:03] over complicating something, sometimes it helps to kind of zoom
[00:35:07] out a little bit and maybe simplify just to give anything
[00:35:11] permission.
[00:35:12] I mean, I remember going through something similar,
[00:35:14] trying to figure out like my stupid Internet.
[00:35:19] Oh, I remember.
[00:35:20] Yeah.
[00:35:21] And reevaluating and I went through this whole system
[00:35:24] of figuring out things and it's just like all I really had
[00:35:27] to do was zooming out and seeing like,
[00:35:30] oh, this is actually the simpler way of going about this
[00:35:33] and it actually worked out at the end.
[00:35:36] So I don't know.
[00:35:37] Yeah.
[00:35:38] The like not perfecting whatever it is.
[00:35:43] Yeah.
[00:35:43] But then I would feel the swirl.
[00:35:45] I would feel when it would get this,
[00:35:46] when it felt like it was getting disordered.
[00:35:48] Yeah.
[00:35:49] When I was doing a lot of research.
[00:35:51] Yeah.
[00:35:52] And all the tabs.
[00:35:54] Yeah.
[00:35:54] All the hundreds of tabs.
[00:35:57] I'm saying hundreds.
[00:35:59] I am not saying thousands.
[00:36:00] It could have been thousands.
[00:36:04] Anyway, but it was hundreds and when I felt,
[00:36:06] when I felt that pressure, that heat, you know,
[00:36:09] that's when I realized, you know,
[00:36:12] maybe I just close all the tabs.
[00:36:14] I don't look at them and I just close them all
[00:36:17] and see what happens.
[00:36:18] Yeah.
[00:36:18] And it's weird how at first you're like,
[00:36:21] oh no.
[00:36:21] And then you're like a little bit of relief.
[00:36:24] It's that part that I'm struggling with,
[00:36:26] that little bit of relief because it's not always
[00:36:29] coming to me recently.
[00:36:31] Yeah.
[00:36:31] Which, but I don't think that you need the relief.
[00:36:35] You just need to do.
[00:36:36] You just need to do.
[00:36:38] And then over time you just kind of feel it.
[00:36:40] Yeah.
[00:36:41] I think we should.
[00:36:44] I don't know if that's an OCD thing,
[00:36:46] but you know, it's definitely,
[00:36:48] it's a definitely a pressures thing.
[00:36:51] Like it's a, it's like your,
[00:36:52] like a self-inflicted like, you know, pressure.
[00:36:56] Yeah.
[00:36:57] A thousand percent.
[00:36:58] And it's like, yeah, like my ADHD,
[00:37:02] all it wants to do is come up with uses for stuff.
[00:37:08] Right?
[00:37:10] Yes.
[00:37:10] You can see like a million different very cool projects
[00:37:15] that can be made with an enameled tiny lobster
[00:37:19] that I made 20 years ago.
[00:37:24] But in the grand scheme of things,
[00:37:28] time on earth is limited, et cetera, et cetera.
[00:37:31] This is where the simplifying things comes into play.
[00:37:35] Do I want to come up with a project for an enameled lobster
[00:37:39] or would throwing said enameled lobster away
[00:37:44] free me to do something that maybe I want to do even more
[00:37:48] like comedy.
[00:37:49] I don't know.
[00:37:50] Yeah.
[00:37:50] Yeah.
[00:37:50] Yeah.
[00:37:51] Yeah.
[00:37:51] I mean, unless you do want to stay home and make enameled
[00:37:55] lobsters, if that sounds more appealing to you than,
[00:38:00] you know, standing in front of an audience of adoring fans
[00:38:03] listening and laughing.
[00:38:04] Okay.
[00:38:06] Just because you're right.
[00:38:11] I don't know if I am right.
[00:38:12] No, you are.
[00:38:13] You have to answer that question.
[00:38:15] One of the main reasons that I moved here is because
[00:38:18] there is a comedy club that I want to start going to
[00:38:21] because they have a weekly Thursday night open mic night
[00:38:24] and I haven't even gone to see the other open micers.
[00:38:28] Although I will say, okay, so I had a birthday recently
[00:38:30] and I went to two different comedy shows.
[00:38:34] One was Paula Tompkins, which turned out to be more music
[00:38:37] than comedy, but it was still really, really fun.
[00:38:40] And the second one, which was a build as a black Asian
[00:38:47] comedy night at a new black owned comedy club in San Francisco,
[00:38:51] which is so cool.
[00:38:52] The worst venue I think for comedy, the club is very narrow
[00:38:59] and the stage is at the end and truly like there's a set
[00:39:07] of stairs that go up and there's like a second floor,
[00:39:10] but only the people that are closest to the stage can
[00:39:14] actually see the stage because the stage is only like six inches
[00:39:17] off the ground and this is like a fairly deep, long,
[00:39:22] but narrow space.
[00:39:24] So everybody who's waiting by the door cannot see all the way
[00:39:29] and it was packed.
[00:39:30] You know, it was amazing, but it was just like, this is what?
[00:39:35] How?
[00:39:35] Okay.
[00:39:36] You know.
[00:39:37] Yeah, that's disappointing.
[00:39:39] That sounds like a terrible venue.
[00:39:41] It was, although my friend and I sat on the stairs,
[00:39:43] which I'm sure is a fire hazard, but we literally couldn't find
[00:39:46] another place to like put our bodies.
[00:39:48] And so we had a great view of the comics, which was like,
[00:39:52] again, happy birthday to me.
[00:39:55] Also brought up why do I have such perfection around being
[00:40:00] a standup that I will not go to an open mic night when
[00:40:04] there are people who go to these, like I assume these
[00:40:08] comics are actually making like a tiny bit of money,
[00:40:11] like maybe three dollars or whatever.
[00:40:13] Yeah, yeah.
[00:40:14] Yeah.
[00:40:14] And saying like, like the host just had the most weird
[00:40:20] misogynistic, like, you know, like I like old women's
[00:40:28] genitals and sex because at the end you get a
[00:40:33] Werther's like a hard candy or something like that.
[00:40:37] And it was just like, oh, it's terrible.
[00:40:40] Bloody.
[00:40:41] Yes.
[00:40:42] Yeah, I was like, yeah.
[00:40:46] And also he was older as well, but it doesn't make it any,
[00:40:50] like it doesn't make it any funnier.
[00:40:52] It's just a bad joke.
[00:40:54] And I was like, oh, okay.
[00:40:56] Well, you know, I also am dealing with a similar thing.
[00:41:00] I mean, not stand up comedy or a guy's disgusting joke.
[00:41:06] I think genitals was like harder to listen to.
[00:41:09] I'm sorry.
[00:41:10] I was going to use the P word because that's what he used.
[00:41:13] But then I was like, oh, that's gross.
[00:41:16] And then I used genitals.
[00:41:21] Okay.
[00:41:21] I'm going to back off of that one anyway.
[00:41:24] So yeah.
[00:41:26] I was recently thinking about that because I'm also dealing
[00:41:29] with, you know, overly thinking about perfectionism,
[00:41:34] not realizing that I was thinking about perfectionism and
[00:41:39] and I realized that a lot of the stuff is about not,
[00:41:43] not working towards something.
[00:41:46] So I keep a note that says progress over perfection.
[00:41:52] Oh, yes.
[00:41:53] You know, that sometimes that even a little thing,
[00:41:57] a little effort, a little whatever still brings me closer
[00:42:01] to my goal of finishing a project, you know,
[00:42:06] and working through that.
[00:42:08] Also doing it your own way, I think is another thing to do
[00:42:12] because I think we also get stuck in this idea of like,
[00:42:15] what is the right way of doing something?
[00:42:18] Oh yeah.
[00:42:21] Like, you know, if I do this, you know, it has to be that.
[00:42:25] If I do this, it has to be that.
[00:42:27] And in some cases, like sometimes that's true,
[00:42:30] you know, but I think in the beginning,
[00:42:31] I think we should be messy.
[00:42:33] We should be sloppy.
[00:42:33] We should be messy.
[00:42:35] We should be throwing stuff around and seeing where it goes
[00:42:39] and then hopefully find our direction.
[00:42:44] Yeah.
[00:42:45] And I think that's, I'm trying to get more messy is what I'm
[00:42:48] trying to tell you.
[00:42:50] I recently came across something about the shit first draft.
[00:42:56] You know, yes.
[00:42:57] Yeah.
[00:42:58] Like anything sketch, blah, blah, blah.
[00:43:00] And actually I was talking to somebody about chat,
[00:43:03] GBT and AI and saying that what I found most useful about it
[00:43:10] is it writes the shit first draft.
[00:43:13] Not of anything funny.
[00:43:14] This was like job stuff, you know?
[00:43:17] And then I like change basically the whole thing,
[00:43:21] but it allows me to start.
[00:43:24] And that whole allowing myself to be messy to just put
[00:43:30] something out is like, God, is that fucking hard?
[00:43:34] Yeah, it is.
[00:43:35] It is.
[00:43:36] But it's that first step, right?
[00:43:38] It's that, you know, just show up.
[00:43:41] How's that going for you?
[00:43:42] I am not being productive.
[00:43:47] I am been thinking about it recently about how to start
[00:43:51] something because I don't know, mental stuff was kind of
[00:43:56] getting in the way.
[00:43:57] And yeah.
[00:43:59] And so I just kind of dealing.
[00:44:00] But you know what's funny is that I remember a time where I had
[00:44:04] a lot going on.
[00:44:05] I was like getting married.
[00:44:06] I was planning an event.
[00:44:08] I had a job that I went to full time and my car got hit,
[00:44:14] rear-ended.
[00:44:15] Yeah.
[00:44:16] And it all happened within a couple of months and I was
[00:44:20] thinking about it and I was going, wow,
[00:44:22] I did all that stuff in a couple months.
[00:44:25] And for some odd reason, I've started,
[00:44:28] oh, maybe this is a judgment thing,
[00:44:30] but started thinking I'm like, oh no,
[00:44:33] is OCD making my world small again?
[00:44:36] You know, and so yeah, I've been thinking about that.
[00:44:41] Very real.
[00:44:42] Yeah, it is.
[00:44:43] It is.
[00:44:43] And then also I've been thinking about the way that I
[00:44:46] process information.
[00:44:47] And I'm still kind of in the discovery phase of what it might
[00:44:52] mean, but I have found it difficult to follow other people's
[00:44:57] ways or methodologies of creating.
[00:44:59] Oh yeah, like the outline thing.
[00:45:01] Oh yeah, hate outlines.
[00:45:03] I absolutely hate outlines.
[00:45:05] Same thing.
[00:45:06] And so I started learning about.
[00:45:09] You started learning about other processes?
[00:45:12] Yes, I was thinking about,
[00:45:13] and that's the thing I'm learning about.
[00:45:15] So I'm really not going to speak very intelligently about it,
[00:45:18] which I, you know, is all I'm about is giving all the right
[00:45:22] information, right?
[00:45:24] And so what I've been thinking about is bottom up processing
[00:45:30] or thinking because I tend not to do outlines at all.
[00:45:36] I tend to like to do all the work before the outline
[00:45:39] and then develop the outline.
[00:45:41] And from developing the outline, then I refine my work
[00:45:45] and then things start to understand.
[00:45:48] I start to understand things.
[00:45:50] A lot of people like to go from general to specific
[00:45:54] and I like to go through all the specifics and all the
[00:45:58] things and then become more specific at the top.
[00:46:01] Heck yeah.
[00:46:02] So, um, yeah, that's what I'm learning about myself,
[00:46:06] which I am trying to figure out as a workflow.
[00:46:09] And challenging myself with potentially writing a spec script
[00:46:15] a month.
[00:46:17] A month?
[00:46:18] Yeah, to be as messy as possible.
[00:46:21] I know.
[00:46:22] So I was actually, I wasn't really going to expose this,
[00:46:25] but then I was like, you know what, it's called comically
[00:46:27] exposed and let's see if I actually do it.
[00:46:30] So I was thinking that I would do at least three scripts
[00:46:34] by the end of the month or by the end of the year
[00:46:38] starting in October because I'm still learning about processing.
[00:46:42] So workflow.
[00:46:43] Yeah, yeah.
[00:46:44] And I was going to like at first I was going to buy something
[00:46:47] and I was like, oh yeah, I was going to get this
[00:46:49] and it's going to teach me all the outline stuff.
[00:46:50] And I'm like, bullshit.
[00:46:53] You know how many years people have told me how to do outlines
[00:46:57] and I'm like, and it never works for me.
[00:46:59] And so I was like, I'm going to do it this way
[00:47:01] and I'm going to see what's going to happen
[00:47:03] and see if I figure out a different process of how to work.
[00:47:07] And so yeah.
[00:47:08] I love that.
[00:47:09] Yeah, I was going to say this is pretty cool.
[00:47:11] We're off, you know, we're a year out from our podcast.
[00:47:14] I was thinking like us setting like comic goals for ourselves.
[00:47:20] How did you feel about that?
[00:47:21] Because I on one level it was frustrating because when I didn't
[00:47:27] hit those goals, I was real mad at myself.
[00:47:31] Opportunity for self compassion.
[00:47:33] But on the other side, it was kind of nice to speak
[00:47:36] into existence something that I wanted to do.
[00:47:39] How are you feeling?
[00:47:40] Yes.
[00:47:41] And I agree because I have the same problem.
[00:47:46] I feel like I'm like over promising and under delivering.
[00:47:50] You know, and so I wonder if that's a woman thing too.
[00:47:54] Yeah, it might be.
[00:47:56] Yeah, I don't know.
[00:47:59] But I just know that if I don't say it, then I just think it
[00:48:03] and then it just doesn't happen.
[00:48:05] And it gives me like it gives me like this like weird permission
[00:48:08] to say I never thought it, you know, but then it doesn't mean
[00:48:10] that I don't beat myself up for it.
[00:48:12] So I might as well beat myself up out loud in front of everybody.
[00:48:18] You know, utterly shaming myself into not doing something
[00:48:23] or doing something or not doing enough of something.
[00:48:25] But I think it's good because I think showing up and making mistakes
[00:48:32] or not making mistakes or being perfect at it or whatever.
[00:48:35] I don't know, I want to be real.
[00:48:37] And it's hard for me to not have such a filter on everything.
[00:48:43] Yes.
[00:48:44] And I love how Bunny is rolling around on the floor.
[00:48:50] Anyway, I'm sorry, I just got distracted.
[00:48:53] No, I'm totally fine.
[00:48:54] There is.
[00:48:55] I just want to say very briefly, there is a flea issue that is also driving me
[00:49:00] crazy because I have not found any fleas on him, but he is getting bit
[00:49:05] constantly and usually when there are fleas around they buy me.
[00:49:09] Yeah, because you and I are both like if there's a mosquito in the room,
[00:49:12] it will find me.
[00:49:13] Yes.
[00:49:15] And there's a bunch of little dogs that live in the building.
[00:49:18] All the halls are outside.
[00:49:20] There's no like inside common area, but all the dogs I think
[00:49:23] currently are experiencing some kind of flea biting outbreak.
[00:49:27] But it's driving me crazy because he's on medication.
[00:49:29] So the fleas are sterile.
[00:49:31] Yeah, it doesn't mean that it repels the fleas.
[00:49:34] So now I'm working up heavy remedies to see if we can.
[00:49:39] Good.
[00:49:40] Anyway.
[00:49:43] So, okay.
[00:49:44] So would it be, would it be helpful to speak a project that you're
[00:49:52] doing with podcasts or would it give you another level of self
[00:49:56] beat up?
[00:49:58] Hopefully this answers your question.
[00:50:00] But the thing that I'm trying to work on is being more open about
[00:50:06] what I am doing because I think I have a really hard time with
[00:50:10] that maybe with a few people or whatever, but but it's also
[00:50:16] because I know that I find it really helpful when other people
[00:50:19] are more open about their struggles or the work that they're
[00:50:23] working on.
[00:50:24] And I was not in so many ways, but I was hoping that maybe this
[00:50:30] would hopefully help somebody work through something that they
[00:50:35] may be struggling with.
[00:50:36] And so just kind of putting it out there into the ether and
[00:50:40] seeing hopefully that it's helpful.
[00:50:44] I think I said helpful like 20 times, but yeah, but do you
[00:50:46] know what it was?
[00:50:48] Helpful.
[00:50:49] Actually.
[00:50:49] Oh, seriously, not a joke.
[00:50:52] True.
[00:50:53] Okay.
[00:50:54] Okay.
[00:50:55] Yeah.
[00:50:56] So I think right now my plan is starting in October, I was
[00:51:01] going to just try to figure out a process and break it down
[00:51:05] week by week and seeing what Lee for me is the longest month
[00:51:12] of the year by 31 days.
[00:51:15] And weirdly enough, I think five weeks or I mean, yeah,
[00:51:19] whatever October is.
[00:51:21] October.
[00:51:21] Yeah.
[00:51:22] So I don't know if it's easier or not, but I am trying to
[00:51:27] write a first draft of a spec script of a 22 page or 30
[00:51:33] minute spec script of I don't know what TV show, but I'm
[00:51:37] going to pick one, one of a favorite and then just
[00:51:41] write a bunch of things and see if it works.
[00:51:46] So that's awesome.
[00:51:47] Yeah.
[00:51:48] And figuring out my own process.
[00:51:49] So I may fail at the end.
[00:51:51] I may not write anything.
[00:51:53] I may write the world's greatest spec script.
[00:51:57] I don't know yet.
[00:51:57] So it has to be one of those three things.
[00:52:00] Obviously.
[00:52:01] Um, but that's it.
[00:52:07] Yeah.
[00:52:08] How about you?
[00:52:08] How do you feel about exposing?
[00:52:11] Um, things for yourself like exposing.
[00:52:15] Um, well, that's not, not fully exposing yourself.
[00:52:19] I do not want to see your lady parts, but anyway, um,
[00:52:24] Say genitals.
[00:52:25] It's creepier.
[00:52:26] Um,
[00:52:31] I, uh,
[00:52:32] I would like to, you know,
[00:52:34] get back into at least saying something that I'm working on
[00:52:38] comedy wise, because I love the mental health aspects of this
[00:52:41] podcast.
[00:52:42] And I do not think that it's helpful or at the very least
[00:52:45] informative for people.
[00:52:47] Um, but I also a funny, I want to be funny,
[00:52:52] be funny.
[00:52:54] Um, yeah.
[00:52:56] I'm, um, so there is like a deadline for the move,
[00:53:01] which is basically like a week from today.
[00:53:04] Um, and everything just needs to be done or in the garage.
[00:53:11] And, uh, and then I think it's going to have to be comedy stuff.
[00:53:18] Like I've made it so that my work hours are now done at
[00:53:23] 6pm so that I can go and do open mic nights.
[00:53:27] Nice.
[00:53:27] There aren't as many open mic nights as I thought,
[00:53:30] but I think that's just because like the only ones I'm looking
[00:53:32] at are on this like Facebook group of Bay Area, whatever.
[00:53:37] And I don't know how up to date that is.
[00:53:39] So I'm hoping if I start to do, you know,
[00:53:41] open mic nights here, then the other comments will be like,
[00:53:44] Oh, you should go to blah, blah, blah.
[00:53:47] Yeah.
[00:53:48] Yeah.
[00:53:48] They're not super intimidated by all of my jokes.
[00:53:52] Um,
[00:53:53] About your amazing jokes.
[00:53:55] Amazing jokes.
[00:53:57] Uh, I, yeah.
[00:54:00] So that's my goal.
[00:54:02] Yeah.
[00:54:02] I want to start doing comedy stuff again.
[00:54:06] And, uh, I don't know even writing sketches for our sketch group.
[00:54:12] I don't want to get crazy here, but.
[00:54:15] I did, I did come up with an idea for a sketch recently.
[00:54:19] And so I was going, I'm not going to say what it is because
[00:54:21] I want to surprise you guys, but, um, write it up.
[00:54:26] No, no, no, no, not at all.
[00:54:27] But I just, I just had this idea and I was wanting to see if it was funny.
[00:54:31] And so, um, uh, I was, you know, I haven't been inspired to write a sketch in a while.
[00:54:36] And so I, I was just excited by it.
[00:54:39] But then I also didn't want to pile on doing sketches and then doing, uh,
[00:54:43] writing specs.
[00:54:46] That's what I do.
[00:54:47] I just end up going, and then I could do this and then I can do that.
[00:54:50] And then I can do this and then I do nothing.
[00:54:53] Yeah.
[00:54:53] Oh, a thousand percent.
[00:54:55] Yeah.
[00:54:55] A thousand percent.
[00:54:56] God, that's so real.
[00:54:58] Yeah.
[00:54:59] I, um, this move has also, I opened a whole box that just said books.
[00:55:04] I want to read 2017.
[00:55:07] Oh no.
[00:55:12] That is the best.
[00:55:17] And I just went, oh.
[00:55:25] So nailed it.
[00:55:26] Yeah.
[00:55:27] You solved.
[00:55:28] Yeah.
[00:55:29] Everything, um, with that, all those books could have solved all your problems.
[00:55:33] All my problems.
[00:55:34] But I will say, uh, going through them, all of my stuff has made me, um,
[00:55:41] see a lot of hilarious shit that I have written, not necessarily like pieces,
[00:55:47] but just like little, you know, like I found a little piece of Hello Kitty
[00:55:52] stationary and all it says on the back is I hate Paris.
[00:55:56] I hate the food.
[00:55:57] I hate the people.
[00:55:59] I hate the language.
[00:56:01] Nobody has style here.
[00:56:04] Paris France.
[00:56:06] Uh, and then it just says I hate and the sentence is unfinished because
[00:56:12] I think 80 DG, uh, took over and I have no idea as to whether I wrote this
[00:56:18] like ironically, sarcastically was I in Paris at the time having a
[00:56:24] terrible experience?
[00:56:25] That's probably what happened.
[00:56:28] Yeah, but hilarious that I said that nobody has style in Paris.
[00:56:33] Like, okay girl.
[00:56:36] But just stuff like that and a lot of like a lot of drawings that I'm
[00:56:41] just like, what is this?
[00:56:43] You know, like I have one that looks like, you know, the whole spark
[00:56:47] of life kind of Sistine Chapel esque, although Adam doesn't have a face
[00:56:53] and the hand of God is also holding a cacao pod with a feather.
[00:57:01] So, okay, maybe you are starting a new religion or or having an epiphany
[00:57:07] of some sort.
[00:57:08] I don't know what God is.
[00:57:11] Yeah, but it's just like I kind of want to share them on like
[00:57:16] Instagram and whatnot, but then part of it feels too exposed
[00:57:21] with that, you know.
[00:57:24] So we are comically exposed.
[00:57:26] I know how dare you.
[00:57:29] But yeah, so maybe that should be another goal of like maybe all post
[00:57:32] things that I because immediately I get in my head and I'm like, oh,
[00:57:36] this is fucking hilarious.
[00:57:37] You know, this thing that I've written like, yeah, okay, this, I
[00:57:42] really hope this isn't offensive, but I found one that says, did
[00:57:46] Dan Ackroyd start to gain weight so he would look less like Hitler?
[00:57:54] Oh, did he look like Hitler?
[00:57:58] I mean, you put the little Charlie Chaplin mustache on anybody and
[00:58:03] there's a resemblance obviously.
[00:58:06] But anyway, so it's like stuff like that that I'm like, uh-oh, this
[00:58:10] made me laugh.
[00:58:12] Is it safe for like consumption from people I know and care about
[00:58:17] and would like them to continue loving and caring about me?
[00:58:20] I don't know.
[00:58:22] Also, this is a very strange hard take on Dan Ackroyd because
[00:58:26] what did he do?
[00:58:28] I think I saw a picture of him younger with like maybe a floppy
[00:58:32] or hairdo maybe with a mustache and I was like, holy shit,
[00:58:37] that guy looks like Hitler.
[00:58:38] Well, because he's like America's sweetheart and you're calling him
[00:58:43] Hitler.
[00:58:44] At least, no, is he Canadian?
[00:58:45] Probably they all are.
[00:58:47] Canadians are Americans.
[00:58:50] They're Northern Americans.
[00:58:52] They're Northern Americans.
[00:58:54] A.
[00:58:56] Well, they are North Americans technically.
[00:59:00] Yes, they are.
[00:59:02] Because we're on the same continent.
[00:59:03] We are on the same continent.
[00:59:05] High five.
[00:59:06] We got this.
[00:59:06] We're a geography.
[00:59:08] I know we solved it.
[00:59:10] I don't know why I keep saying we solved it.
[00:59:12] It's like, I feel like I'm repeating the same saying over and
[00:59:15] over again.
[00:59:15] Well, you say it enough and we will have solved something.
[00:59:18] Yeah, yeah, that's true.
[00:59:19] Or I could say back at ya.
[00:59:23] A year in and you're still coming up with your catchphrase
[00:59:27] and that's what I love about it.
[00:59:28] Yeah, yeah, because they're all perfect gems.
[00:59:32] Uh-huh.
[00:59:32] Just hanging there, hanging in there.
[00:59:37] I don't know what that's saying, actually.
[00:59:40] I'm just repeating poster sayings now.
[00:59:43] Yeah, that's good.
[00:59:44] But I liked the exact pose of the kitty cat.
[00:59:47] Yeah.
[00:59:47] Yeah, because that's what I was imagining in my head and
[00:59:50] you need to express myself and, you know, this.
[00:59:54] The visual was fantastic.
[00:59:56] I hope that we just post that visual for the podcast
[01:00:00] audience because yes on every everything that we put
[01:00:05] on the internet will be yeah.
[01:00:10] Be sound stickers.
[01:00:12] Yeah, you'll draw a picture about it.
[01:00:14] Yeah, we should do stickers.
[01:00:16] I did find a bunch of stickers actually and I was pretty
[01:00:19] excited about it.
[01:00:22] Anyway, like truly the podcast for the next several months
[01:00:27] could just be like what bullshit did Gabby find that he
[01:00:31] has collected?
[01:00:33] But my feeling is this, I am going to use all of these
[01:00:37] stickers.
[01:00:38] Like I have saved them since I was a child and no more.
[01:00:42] And instead of throwing them away, I'm going to put them
[01:00:44] on my like journals and comedy binders and shit like that
[01:00:49] because you save stickers too.
[01:00:51] You do too.
[01:00:52] Yeah.
[01:00:53] Like I just like a few years ago I started using them
[01:00:57] because I was realizing like why am I saving all
[01:00:59] these stickers?
[01:01:00] Okay, but was it a thing in the 80s?
[01:01:03] Like I don't know.
[01:01:05] That's where because I remember everybody got real crazy
[01:01:07] about stickers at one point.
[01:01:09] I want to say like people are still 80 for crazy.
[01:01:11] Yeah, maybe they're crazy.
[01:01:14] Crazy with stickers and that's what stickers on
[01:01:18] everything on everything and that's the hoarding label
[01:01:20] I will take is a sticker.
[01:01:24] I'm a hoarder sticker which is just a sticker.
[01:01:28] Yes.
[01:01:29] Meta.
[01:01:30] Yeah, super meta.
[01:01:33] Gabby just opened the comically exposed Etsy store where
[01:01:38] she's selling her stickers that she keeps finding.
[01:01:43] And Dan Ackroyd Hitler merchandise.
[01:01:46] Yes.
[01:01:47] Because that's going to sell out.
[01:01:49] It is and I just want people to know that as a Jew,
[01:01:52] it's still not okay that I do that.
[01:02:02] Yeah.
[01:02:03] We solved it.
[01:02:04] Yeah, we solved it.
[01:02:05] We solved it and people can't wait to see you do stand up.
[01:02:09] It's all Dan Ackroyd material.
[01:02:12] Which is so topical.
[01:02:14] Very topical.
[01:02:16] Top of mind.
[01:02:17] He's a sweet guy and she has opinions.
[01:02:23] She should keep them to Hello Kitty stationery.
[01:02:29] That's real.
[01:02:32] All right, well I think we did it.
[01:02:34] We did it.
[01:02:35] We solved it.
[01:02:36] Back at you.
[01:02:38] Hang in there.
[01:02:42] Our classic sign off now.
[01:02:47] Okay everyone.
[01:02:49] It's the end of the pod.
[01:02:51] Thanks for hanging out with us.
[01:02:52] Happy one year.
[01:02:54] Birthday everybody.
[01:02:55] Yeah, one year.
[01:02:57] We're one year old.
[01:02:59] Bye.
[01:03:01] Bye.
[01:03:07] Welcome to the end of the show.
[01:03:09] This is Gabby Blackman and this is Heather and I.
[01:03:12] Thank you for listening to comically exposed.
[01:03:14] We are just a little show with two creators who edit and
[01:03:18] produce each episode.
[01:03:19] We appreciate all your support.
[01:03:21] If you like what you heard, please follow us on Instagram
[01:03:24] at comicallyexp.podcast.
[01:03:27] That's C-O-M-I-C-A-L-L-Y-E-X-P.podcast.
[01:03:33] Oh and check out our website at comicallyexposed.com.
[01:03:37] That's one word.
[01:03:40] Comicallyexposed.com.
[01:03:42] Where you can contact us by text or even leave a voice message.
[01:03:46] Or subscribe to us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,
[01:03:48] or wherever you listen to podcasts.
[01:03:51] New episodes drop every other Wednesday.
[01:03:54] Also special thanks to Track Club and Golden Finch for
[01:03:57] providing the music.
[01:03:58] Thanks for listening and hey everybody,
[01:04:01] today is a great day to expose yourself.
[01:04:04] Okay until next time.
[01:04:06] In your face Miriam.