Episode 25

[00:00:07] Hey everybody, welcome to Comically Exposed, the podcast where we talk about OCD and comedy.

[00:00:14] And this is episode 25. Woohoo. Very much woohoo. My name is Gabbie and that voice that you just

[00:00:21] heard is Heather Nye. Woohoo. Yeah. And it is OCD Awareness Week. It is. Which is very cool.

[00:00:31] Which we are fully aware of OCD all the time. I was gonna say if you listen to this podcast

[00:00:36] you might be aware. I guess like a redneck joke, right? Yeah. If you listen to this podcast you

[00:00:44] might know that ERP stands for Exposure and Response Prevention. I'm gonna send that to

[00:00:51] Jeff Foxworthy. I think he's gonna use it. Million dollars. Yep. Just somewhere. Not to me, not to him,

[00:01:01] but somewhere in the universe exists a million dollars. Yes. Yes. All right. So we're gonna

[00:01:06] kind of talk about OCD this episode. That sounded convincing. I did. I didn't want to make any

[00:01:15] promises that I couldn't keep so I thought I'd sort of vague it up as the kids don't say, but they should.

[00:01:22] Um, how's your OCD going these days? That sounded perfectly natural. Ah, as did that sound. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Um,

[00:01:36] how are my OCDs doing today? Um, I, you know, I think things are, um, going better just recently. Uh,

[00:01:49] well, I went through this thing with my therapist where he's, um, extending my, um, the time between we go,

[00:01:56] we see each other. Um, and there was a moment that I was like, is it because I'm really annoying when I talk?

[00:02:07] In our session, it's like, I've heard this one before, dude. I don't want to hear it again.

[00:02:11] Uh, uh, change the channel. Um, uh, the other thing was the thought was, was I manipulating him to

[00:02:18] think that I was doing better? Um, and what was that? Yeah. Yeah. And then the other part was I am

[00:02:28] progressing better and, um, need a little bit more time to kind of free, have more time to be able to

[00:02:34] kind of not have like guidance all the time. And I, I, I agree with him after a few weeks of thinking

[00:02:41] about this a little bit too much because we already did the whole, you know, we saw each other once a

[00:02:47] week. I mean, there was even a point where we saw each other twice a week. Um, and, uh, but now,

[00:02:54] and then for about six months, we've been doing once a month, which has been actually pretty good.

[00:02:59] And so now we're trying out every two months. Um, so I know it feels like I'm free falling a little

[00:03:06] bit, like not, not like, you know, like, I have no, you know, but then I'm realizing that he's not

[00:03:13] really helping. Sorry. Maybe on some things, but it's not everything. I mean, with the OCD, with the OCD

[00:03:22] stuff, it's been helpful. And, uh, he is, uh, has become the voice in my head where I go, Oh,

[00:03:29] yeah, that sounds like an OCD thing, you know, where I kind of stopped myself. Um, or even pause

[00:03:37] to kind of give myself a little bit of space or grace to like be able to go, you know, maybe I

[00:03:42] don't have to be a little hard on myself about something. And so, um, but I'm doing that for

[00:03:48] myself, not him. You know what I mean? It's, it's like once I see him once a week and, you know,

[00:03:55] constantly like building this kind of like, um, confidence. Um, and over time now I'm starting to

[00:04:01] catch my stuff without really looking for it. That's, that's the big part of it is not looking for

[00:04:07] a problem. And so that's been kind of nice and has given me a lot of free time in my space,

[00:04:14] in my head, like a lot of space in my head. And so, um, which has been great. How about you?

[00:04:21] How are your OCDs going? Um, that's, I don't know why I'm caught off guard.

[00:04:30] I think it's because usually you ask me questions and I'm just like instantly just jumping to you

[00:04:35] like no questions. Go right. No further questions. Everything I said is true.

[00:04:41] Yeah. No other. Heather will not be taking questions at this time. Yeah. Um, well,

[00:04:48] no, I was just thinking about, uh, you and your therapist and I guess I didn't know that you guys

[00:04:55] had met so frequently in the beginning. I thought that you guys had only been meeting once a month

[00:04:59] and I was like, this guy's out of his mind. No, no, no. You can't do that. No. Um, and then I was

[00:05:04] thinking because when I did TMS for OCD, that was going in five days a week doing an imaginal and then

[00:05:11] getting my brain zapped during the imaginal. Yeah. Um, which was very intense, but also like

[00:05:17] very, very helpful. Um, but yeah, I guess I'm down to like, like once a month with my OCD group

[00:05:25] and it's, it's okay. I think it's okay because my OCD stuff right now is not so much the D part.

[00:05:39] There's not as disordered or like disturbing my day to day function. I could be wrong, but, uh,

[00:05:49] but it's more like, I have a lot of stuff to do and not a lot of time to do it. And that seems to

[00:05:56] be more of the issue. Oh. And also like, uh, I would like to have money to be able to do things,

[00:06:03] but I don't have a lot of that either. So yeah. Yeah. So less the OCD. I mean, I have been focused

[00:06:12] recently a little bit more on dating and stuff like that. And so that has taken up some of my

[00:06:17] time and I am wondering, is that a type of avoidance, you know? Yeah. Because it does

[00:06:25] bring me joy, but I do need to finish my website for my tutoring service.

[00:06:36] And like you and I were talking about it a little bit and it's kind of like,

[00:06:40] you know, me going for those dope dopamine hits, you know, like flirting with somebody or

[00:06:46] I'm a little competitive. I really, I try to out banter anybody who's bantering with me,

[00:06:52] but mostly I just want them to go as fast as I am. So if they're not, then I'm like, come on,

[00:06:58] you can do it. You can do it. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

[00:07:03] And do you think that's because a little bit of like, it's the ADHD and then also a little,

[00:07:10] but, but to why do you think that it's a little bit OCD or a part of your OCD or are you worried

[00:07:17] because you're looking for something? Yeah. I think I'm only looking right now in this moment

[00:07:24] for it to be like OCD or not. But yeah, I think the ADHD is calling the shots these days and, uh,

[00:07:32] and that's, it's okay. Like I don't feel, I feel like I could focus on something if I need to,

[00:07:41] if it was like truly important to me, but I'm also, uh, I feel a little like I just have the modern

[00:07:50] bug, you know, where the phone is so close by Instagram exists or the app I'm on or Facebook

[00:08:01] marketplace, which is hands down my favorite one. Um, just for our listeners, I'm looking for a

[00:08:08] dresser, light wood, possibly between 40 to 52 inches tall, about 30 to 38 inches wide, about 20

[00:08:18] inches deep, maybe five drawers, you know, maybe it sits up a little bit so I could put shoes

[00:08:24] underneath it. When you first come in the door, I just put it out there, you know,

[00:08:30] but anyway, like looking for that kind of stuff and there's like a hunt quality to it,

[00:08:38] but also there isn't the part of Instagram that makes me feel bad about myself.

[00:08:44] Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The, the comparisons.

[00:08:48] Yeah. A thousand percent the comparisons. And it's like, Oh, look at these comics or,

[00:08:54] or four more improviser buddies of mine from the pandemic who are now have like very successful

[00:09:02] Instagram accounts where they're putting out hilarious videos. Do you know what I mean? Like

[00:09:07] what feels like all the time, but whatever. Um, why am I talking about this? Oh, the ADHD is taking over.

[00:09:16] Yeah. So it's just, it's just like following those dopamine hits. Yeah. Less OCD unless it's all

[00:09:26] avoidance and it sure could be. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Cause you're, um, the last time you saw your therapist

[00:09:34] was a while ago now, right? Because of. Oh, the OCD therapist. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I want to say it was

[00:09:42] March of this year. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. But he also was like, much like yours was like fly little bird

[00:09:52] fly. And I was like, no, no, I need this branch. I can't, I can't. Yeah. I'm going to drown in this

[00:10:02] air. That's right. There's too much of it. Nobody needs as much oxygen. Uh, yeah. I did want to say

[00:10:11] that a couple of years ago I did an OCD awareness walk. Um, and it was like advertised online and it

[00:10:22] kept being advertised to me. I don't know through Instagram or whatever it was. And so I was like,

[00:10:27] Oh my God. Okay. I'll do it. And I like show up thinking is going to be this huge thing based on

[00:10:34] all the advertising and all the stuff. And I show up first of all, I'm late, but second of all,

[00:10:40] I'm there for the end of the talks. I guess there was a stage and talks. No, there's like 25 people

[00:10:47] there. Oh. Oh. And they tried to give me a shirt. Can't do it. I can't. You didn't want the shirt.

[00:10:58] Do you, did you go through a phase like in your twenties where like free shirts were like so cool?

[00:11:04] Mm hmm. Mm hmm. And then you hit a point and you're like, I don't like these shirts.

[00:11:11] It says chase credit card on it. And I don't need a shirt that says anything on it.

[00:11:19] Yeah. I'm, I'm pretty selective about the t-shirts. Um, usually I pay for them, um,

[00:11:26] because I actually want them and then they all end up becoming night shirts. So the natural

[00:11:32] progression of the life of a shirt. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. They're comfy. I want to sleep in them.

[00:11:39] That's the shirt. Yep, exactly. And it's like no amount of me being like, well, no,

[00:11:46] the chase card shirt can just be a pajama shirt. No, it can't. It's real itchy.

[00:11:54] Yeah. Also, we are advertising the walks for IO CDF on our links page.

[00:12:06] Amazing. Amazing. I'm not sure that this particular walk was associated with the IO CDF. It was like,

[00:12:15] I don't know. I think it was just somebody with some graphic design skills and time.

[00:12:20] Yeah. Yeah. I missed the one for my area this year. Um, but it looked really well attended. Um,

[00:12:29] so I think I'm going to try to go next year, um, because it would be nice to meet others in the

[00:12:35] community in my area. So, um, but it is kind of disappointing. Yeah. That potentially, you know,

[00:12:45] you know, that, I mean, I guess 25 people is better than none. Oh no, for sure. For sure.

[00:12:51] It was just, it was also, it was also maybe 2022, maybe 21. So it was kind of like, we were all like,

[00:12:59] ah, people, you know, don't, don't come near me. Don't come near me. Don't breathe on me. Yeah.

[00:13:06] We're all still wearing masks outside, you know? Yeah. That was still happening then.

[00:13:11] Yeah. Even though it was like so windy and it was like, yeah, it can still happen. Um,

[00:13:17] yeah, that, and also the IO CDF, uh, conference, I think in 2020 it was online. It was supposed to be

[00:13:28] in person and then it got moved online. And so I got to attend and that was unbelievably helpful.

[00:13:36] It was awesome. Yeah. Like just to be able to attend all the workshops and all the different

[00:13:45] flavors of OCD that were being talked about. There's also workshops on like psychedelics and

[00:13:50] how that could help and all different modalities. And I just made me feel better about things,

[00:13:57] you know? Did you go? No, because at that time I was not formally diagnosed.

[00:14:02] Um, no, no, no. But I mean like, did you go to one recently? Oh yeah, yeah, I did. Um,

[00:14:07] I think we talked about it, uh, last year about this time. Um, I think, I think you're probably

[00:14:15] right. Yeah. I don't know. It might've been, I attended. Yeah. No, I I'm trying to remember back

[00:14:22] a year. Um, uh, I think the one that I attended was maybe in November or October or something like

[00:14:29] that. Yeah. Cause now they like specifically have an online one and they have an in-person one.

[00:14:35] Yeah. And that was so eyeopening and helpful and almost like, um, for me, I felt like I was being

[00:14:42] seen. Like it was like, Oh my God, finally somebody explaining something. Cause it's like when you read

[00:14:48] stuff online, sometimes it can be confusing. Cause you're like, I'm not that, you know, but I get what

[00:14:55] they're saying, but then when you start to learn more about OCD and the mechanics of it all, um,

[00:15:00] you know, then you start to go, Oh, that makes sense. Like, you know, even if somebody had

[00:15:06] contamination or, you know, or relationship OCD or other things like that, there's a similarity

[00:15:12] to like what spurs it. Right. Um, the, you know, obsession or the intrusive thought or the feeling,

[00:15:20] the shame or whatever. And then the followup of the compulsions that can be like ruminations,

[00:15:27] um, you know, or checking or making sure things are just right. Um, yeah. And then, um, and then

[00:15:36] the repeat of it all and finding ways of disrupting it was the one that I learned. I remember, um, from

[00:15:42] last time was, it was called penny sock. I think we talked about that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:15:49] And so since then I've been trying to find new ways of, of figuring out different ways of disrupting

[00:15:56] myself. Um, putting a penny in your sock and then walking around for listeners who are wondering.

[00:16:02] Yeah. Yeah. Or, you know, another one that I mentioned before was, um, brushing my teeth with

[00:16:07] my left hand, which is my non-dominant hand and, um, and trying to be present with it, you know,

[00:16:14] um, despite how difficult it might've been, but I tried doing something, even it's real,

[00:16:20] if it's really tiny to try something new, um, every day, um, is, is always been a goal.

[00:16:26] I don't do it all the time, but I do it enough now that it becomes a little bit of a habit now

[00:16:32] where I'm just like, Oh, maybe instead of getting that usual Turkey sandwich, like I try, you know,

[00:16:39] this, you know, I don't know, like a veggie sandwich or something like that, you know, or,

[00:16:45] um, get something different on it or use a different condiment or whatever. And it seems small,

[00:16:50] but in reality, those little changes, you know, bring that kind of disruptive. It's like, Oh,

[00:16:56] maybe I didn't like it, but I tried it, you know? And it puts more freedom in your life.

[00:17:02] Oh yeah, it does. It does. Um, um, because I'm not much of a risk taker.

[00:17:08] No, no, the OCD people, we're not known for our risk.

[00:17:14] No, that's, that's very much a more of a ADHD community, um, habit. Right. Um, is, um,

[00:17:22] but yeah, it can be not everybody, not to generalize. Not everybody is like that.

[00:17:28] Hey, this is an ADHD awareness week. You know what I mean?

[00:17:32] We don't have to be aware of that. Yeah. Yeah. No, but it's, it's just more about like,

[00:17:37] you know, because we avoid risks like, like the plague, right? It's like anything to not do,

[00:17:44] um, to not cause harm, to not cause harm to anybody else, you know, and then our worlds become

[00:17:51] really small. Yeah. But a lot of the bad things happen in small places and small doses, you know,

[00:17:56] they're just kind of like the anomaly rather than the actual focus. And, um, I think sometimes

[00:18:02] our brains forget that. Um, yeah, that was weird. Where did, why did I go there?

[00:18:06] No, that was good. That was great. Okay. Because we were talking about the conference

[00:18:10] and then you were talking about the corruption that you learned and yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:18:15] No, I totally agree. And I think that is actually what's going on with me and OCD is like, my life

[00:18:21] is so disrupted since the move that I am, I'm actually trying to put my routine back together,

[00:18:29] which is so important for the ADHD part, but not be like tied to that routine, which is so important

[00:18:35] for the OCD part. And so I'm doing something different every day, which is disruptive. And so

[00:18:41] it does feel very freeing, but at the same time, a little unmooring. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:18:48] Which is the feeling that you get to sit with, right? Yep. It is. It is. And my, um, my OCD has

[00:18:55] been trying it with some intrusive thoughts that are just like horrendous, horrendous. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:19:03] Uh, which, you know, we've all had just a sudden thought that was like, like about a family member

[00:19:10] and then like a sexual act or something like that. And just go like, no, I didn't need that.

[00:19:21] I didn't, but then the OCD aspect is like, why did I think that? What does it mean about me? That

[00:19:28] must have some deeper meaning that must be, you know, blah, blah, blah. And so I did find myself

[00:19:33] because it was like, I don't know, lately they've been like really like, oh, that's not a good thought.

[00:19:41] That's, that's very bad. Um, and so then I judge the thought, which means I ascribe some kind of

[00:19:49] meaning in order to judge something. Right. And then now that it has meaning, what does that say about

[00:19:56] me? And then I, but I do catch myself very early on and go like, that was an intrusive thought.

[00:20:03] So let's keep moving on with our day because otherwise if we try and get to like the kernel

[00:20:10] of truth that came in that thought, there's no kernel. It's just an onion. It's just gonna be

[00:20:15] layers, layers, layers, and everybody stinks. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. That, yeah. I, I, yep.

[00:20:23] I, I know that one very well, very intimately, um, to feel those thoughts. And, you know,

[00:20:29] one thing that I also do when you kind of like catch it is to not name it intrusive thought.

[00:20:37] Oh, interesting. Thought. Yeah. I don't know if that helps with anything in terms of the

[00:20:42] mechanics of your, you know, your brain. Cause I realized that some part of this,

[00:20:47] I can't control at all. Right. Yeah. Yeah. You can't control an intrusive thought coming

[00:20:52] into your head, but I try not to assign good or bad to the thought. Um, because, uh, and this is

[00:20:59] just what I've done in practice. Um, only because I'm like, because I know as soon as I think it's bad,

[00:21:08] yeah. Emergency lights turns on my head. Right. Totally. And then it's like,

[00:21:12] I need to do something to make this feeling go away. Yeah. No. Yeah. It's that whole holding it

[00:21:19] loosely instead of like, uh, white knuckling it into submission of some kind. Yeah. Trying to find

[00:21:28] some sort of control with it. Yeah. You know, like I'm not a bad person. I'm not a bad person.

[00:21:34] I'm not a bad person. Well, I mean, lately the intrusive thought would come and it would be like,

[00:21:43] so horrendously graphic that I would go like, Whoa. And then my reaction to my reaction was just

[00:21:51] like a laugh. Like, Oh my God. Because there's the best. There's nobody else here. Do you know

[00:21:58] what I mean? And I'm having this like huge emotional rollercoaster just fucking out of nowhere. And if

[00:22:05] somebody was watching me, they would be like, no, she can't live by herself. That's a danger.

[00:22:13] That's a danger to her. But then it just makes me giggle so much. And then I do think my brain,

[00:22:19] I go like, ah, nice try. Yeah. That was, that was something you did. Not my favorite,

[00:22:27] but I'm going to keep them coming. Yeah. I hate the times. Oh yeah. No. Yeah. I hate the times where

[00:22:34] it ping pongs a bunch of them. Oh yeah. So if that one thought didn't get you to grab onto it,

[00:22:41] how about this one? What about that? What about this? What about that? And then I had a nightmare,

[00:22:47] a full on nightmare about that kind of topic. And it was like, I kept choosing to do things that in my

[00:22:57] life I would not choose to do. Yeah. But it was like, since I chose one, then I had to choose the

[00:23:03] next, then I had to choose the next and I had to choose the next and just consistently chose against

[00:23:09] my values. Yeah. And I just kept feeling worse and more awful and more trapped and more disgusted with

[00:23:17] myself. And, um, it was just like really awful and like woke up unsure if it was a dream or reality.

[00:23:28] Right. Oh yeah. Which happens. Yeah. It does. It does. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I have the same thing.

[00:23:35] I was like, I think it's just like a, if you have trouble with sleep, then we have trouble with dreams

[00:23:40] too. Cause it's like, are you reality? Um, and so it took me like five minutes to realize that I wasn't

[00:23:51] on like a sexual predator list. Oh yeah. And that I could continue with my life.

[00:24:05] But like, it shook me to my fricking core. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it really does. But then I was

[00:24:14] wondering, well, what is the difference between like an intrusive thought and a nightmare that plays

[00:24:22] against your values? You know? Yeah. I, I don't know, but I'm assuming because it comes from our brain,

[00:24:29] it's likely the OCD. So that's, you know, yeah. It's because either you've been avoiding the thought

[00:24:38] or trying to tamp it down or not paying attention to it enough. And it's like, guess what? We're

[00:24:43] going to bring it into a dream. Yeah. I think it was. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, because it's,

[00:24:51] it's like things that you, cause that's what OCD attaches to is the things that you most value.

[00:24:56] Right. And unfortunately it's just creating these kind of, I don't really understand why it does it.

[00:25:06] Um, but it creates a really inappropriate intrusive thought. And the thing about people with OCD is that

[00:25:13] they're probably the least likely to act on any thoughts like this. Yeah. Yeah. Um, you know,

[00:25:20] and it's just, whoo. Yeah. Yeah. So tough. It is tough. Yeah. And you just shared very vulnerably.

[00:25:29] Thank you very much. Thank you for hearing it. Thank you for holding space. Deal with it listeners.

[00:25:37] Cause I didn't tell you that was going to happen. So, um, I do actually very briefly want to talk about

[00:25:45] comedy. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Um, we are comically exposed, right? You're born comically exposed and

[00:25:55] you die exposed comically. Yes. Um, so the whole reason that I moved was for this comedy club, um,

[00:26:07] specifically for their open mic nights and they are going out of business, uh, at the end of the month,

[00:26:12] which is just, I get it. You know, comedy. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:26:20] Very specific. But anyway, so I've gone to the past three open mics, um, not to perform just to see

[00:26:27] what the vibe was. And I think we talked about it. I don't know if we talked about it on the last

[00:26:31] podcast. Did we talk about the ventriloquist or did I just talk to you guys on the thread about the

[00:26:36] ventriloquist? Regardless, there was a ventriloquist who came to the open mic night. And so it's like,

[00:26:42] on some level, I need to stop the perfectionism and actually like throw my name into the hat.

[00:26:50] Um, so that I go and do some standup. Um, good. Yeah. And after going for three weeks,

[00:27:00] it's like, I kind of see the same people. I see who tries new material every time I see who

[00:27:07] just does like the same set of jokes, you know, that kind of thing. Um, yeah, so that's good.

[00:27:15] I mean, and also it's shutting down. So what are the stakes, you know?

[00:27:22] Yeah. Yeah. Truly. I mean, do you need like a deadline, like a day that you're going to set,

[00:27:27] you're going to say, I'm going to do standup on X day. Yeah. Well, it can't be this week. Um,

[00:27:34] so I suppose I could do it week after next. Yeah. I don't know what day that is, but it's on a

[00:27:42] Thursday, all these open mic nights. So, yeah. So let's see next to, to, to. Okay. So it's,

[00:27:49] it's the second to last Thursday of October. So it's, um, the 24th of October. Cause the following

[00:27:57] one is the 31st and I don't know if you want to do a Halloween set. Um, but always, but yeah.

[00:28:05] All right. I'll give it a shot. I mean, so that means I have to like go through my notes app and

[00:28:09] actually gather, you know, some jokes as I was on a date the other night and the guy was like,

[00:28:17] oh, you, you want to do standup. I was like, yeah. He's like, well, I don't mean to be that guy,

[00:28:22] but we do, we do a joke. Like the worst question to ask anybody in comedy. Cause there's like no

[00:28:32] context. Yeah. It's like, I know. And, and the only joke I could think of

[00:28:41] is, um, so my best friend is queer and I, I'm just so jealous, you know,

[00:28:47] because it's not that queer people. It's not that I think that queer people are like better

[00:28:54] than us heteros because they obviously are. That's not the problem. The thing is I just,

[00:29:00] for once in my life, I would just really,

[00:29:04] really love to know what it's like to have sex with somebody

[00:29:09] of a gender I respected. Do you know what I mean? Uh, anyway, so I said that to his face and

[00:29:19] on a date. Yeah. And then he never saw him again. Exactly. Like, Oh, I mean,

[00:29:31] no offense, but

[00:29:35] we had just seen, we had just seen like a bunch of open mic, uh, male comics. Oh yeah. You know what

[00:29:43] I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's like guys that are like, I own a bar of soap and a

[00:29:52] moisturizer and that's, that's my entire shower routine or something. And it was like, okay, man,

[00:30:03] or like, um, what a brag, what a brag. And also like shampoo. I know conditioner. Do you have a

[00:30:12] washcloth? Like how often do you wash your towels? You know, like bragging that they don't. It's like,

[00:30:21] all right. Yeah. Or like the transphobic jokes that were both misogynistic and transphobic.

[00:30:30] And it's like, um, none of us community of women want to touch you. It doesn't matter if there's

[00:30:38] cis or trans in front of our name, you are presenting yourself as not somebody we want to touch.

[00:30:47] Yeah. So yeah. It's interesting that you can have that much confidence in yourself and then try to tear

[00:30:54] people down. Yeah. Yeah. And also they would try and turn the joke as if it was also homophobic too.

[00:31:03] It was just like, so are they an incel dude? They showed up with their girlfriends. Oh yeah.

[00:31:16] Now you're like, now the focus is back on the girlfriend. Like I know, are you okay? Yeah,

[00:31:21] exactly. Are you here at your own will? Can I see your hands? Make sure you're not tied.

[00:31:31] And it was just, it was amazing. It's like, but I guess that's a type of comic, right? Who just kind

[00:31:39] of goes for what they think will get a laugh, but doesn't actually reflect who they are in any way,

[00:31:48] shape or form. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess it takes all kinds.

[00:31:55] Including that ventriloquist who literally their first joke was, I'm not a puppet. You're the puppet.

[00:32:03] You know, that's a old classic from the 1920s.

[00:32:09] Ventriloquist was also from the 1920s, but the man had like put a bandana around its head.

[00:32:17] It was, it wasn't great. More recently, there was a guy who was wearing a tux, elder gentleman,

[00:32:30] whose starting jokes were about a cyber turkey zone. And you'd think like, oh, a cyber tux. No,

[00:32:40] he was talking about actual turkeys and then did like a turkey call. It was very confusing.

[00:32:46] I think he was confused.

[00:32:51] It was like, uh,

[00:32:55] yeah, no, no, no, no, no. He also said that he just got out of a 24 year marriage on bad behavior.

[00:33:04] Um, oh, that classic. Yeah. Because marriage is jail. Yeah, exactly. And it was like, again,

[00:33:14] nobody wants you, dude.

[00:33:19] I think you already have your set here. I think you have a set. I know it's all.

[00:33:26] That's your catchphrase. What? Nobody wants you, dude.

[00:33:33] Yeah. You can just go bazinga or something. Nobody wants you. Yeah. Nobody wants you, dude.

[00:33:44] Yeah. Or you can do another set. I'm just saying. No, no, no, no, no. I love it. I actually love it.

[00:33:49] I was just thinking about how like I bring my notebook to each one of these open mics because

[00:33:53] in the past, you know, I've gotten like very inspired and been like, oh, that means, you know,

[00:33:59] this is a great joke I could do. But all it is for these open mics is me just roasting

[00:34:06] the comics on stage and their material, you know? Yeah. Welcome to Gabby Blackman's roast

[00:34:14] of every other comic in this room. Right. I haven't been on stage for a year and I have opinions.

[00:34:24] And they are strong. Yes. They're ready to cry. Yeah. That's so funny. One woman who her last set,

[00:34:35] the end of her set was she was going to visit her mom in Sacramento. And right before the timer

[00:34:43] buzzed and her mic got cut off, she said, my mother doesn't like me. Right. Okay. So I don't know

[00:34:50] if that was a setup. I don't know if it was a punchline. It was something. And then we never

[00:34:55] heard from her. So anyway, she went on the other night and she said that her mother was in the

[00:35:03] audience. Oh, I know. Interesting. Very interesting. And then she said, so I'm not going to swear

[00:35:09] or anything. And then proceeded to say that ladies, you need a man who treats you well because you hold

[00:35:17] all the power. And then sort of gestured to her crotch.

[00:35:26] So I don't know how it is. How is that less offensive than swearing?

[00:35:33] It was kind of. And just gesturing to that region over and over again. Over and over again. And,

[00:35:40] and kind of repeating herself. And then she asked a man in the audience, she was like, hey,

[00:35:46] you want to take me out? And he was like, sure. And it was like, oh yeah, I'm going to take me

[00:35:53] someplace to go eat. I don't know what she said. And he was like, yeah, absolutely. And she goes,

[00:35:58] oh yeah, you're going to buy me things. And he was like, uh, and she goes, because I can buy myself

[00:36:03] things. And I was like, okay, now we're in the therapy session. This is no longer comedy anymore.

[00:36:11] This is pure therapy. This poor man was just sitting in the audience minding his business.

[00:36:20] And then she just like goes off on a tangent, but like directed at this man who at this point just

[00:36:27] has his hands up. I just came to see a show. Yeah. I'm so sorry. And it's like, oh wow. And then

[00:36:37] as she's going through all the reasons that she's not going to date this man,

[00:36:42] her mic gets cut off because she runs out of time again. And I was like,

[00:36:48] all right, I guess you can do therapy on, on Mike, you know?

[00:36:53] That's great. Yeah. They pay you to do therapy for yourself. I like that idea.

[00:37:03] Yeah. I hope she works it out with her mom though. It's like, okay.

[00:37:10] Okay. With so much crotch pointing. It's like, yeah. Yes.

[00:37:15] All right. Well don't swear, but please refer to your genitals.

[00:37:19] Yes. Yes. Over and over again, aggressively.

[00:37:23] There were quite a few women in this open mic night, which was really cool.

[00:37:27] One of them just did these like one liners were weren't particularly good, but she had the biggest

[00:37:32] smile on her face after everyone and like would laugh at her own jokes to the point that I was

[00:37:39] laughing at her response to her own jokes. And I was like, great.

[00:37:45] You know, you know, you know, it's a tactic that two and three year olds use.

[00:37:51] It works, you know? Yeah. It's like, look, look at that. It's like, yeah, that's funny.

[00:38:01] I made a fart noise with my mouth. Exactly.

[00:38:05] I know I make myself laugh with that. So

[00:38:12] anyway, that's my comedy update. What are you, what's going on with you and comedy? If you,

[00:38:16] you don't have to talk about it. I am interested. Yeah. I like to be extremely secretive about

[00:38:23] everything on this podcast. So nothing is being told. No. So I have this plan of doing

[00:38:31] a spec script a month. And I unfortunately have not done the October one very well because,

[00:38:44] and I'm judging myself. I'm, I am fully aware that I'm judging myself, but I'm just going to say it

[00:38:49] as it's showing up in my head. I haven't worked on it, even though I do have an idea and I couldn't

[00:38:54] figure out what show to do except from yesterday when I was talking to you yesterday. So I'm just

[00:38:59] going to, I'm going to give you a little props here because, um, because I have an idea of the show

[00:39:05] that I want to do for November and December episodes, but I don't have one for October. And I was like,

[00:39:12] there is no way I could do the same show because literally I could want, I could write the same

[00:39:17] show with this idea that I have. And Gabby actually said to me, Hey, it sounds like you just wrote

[00:39:23] yourself a little rule there. Why can't you do Bob's burgers, uh, in October and November? And I went,

[00:39:34] huh, I could. Um, but then I took it a step further. Okay. Um, and then went, I made another

[00:39:42] rule on top of that was to not write, um, what we do in the shadows. Cause I already wrote spec scripts

[00:39:49] twice. Yeah. Um, for that. And, um, all of a sudden an idea came to my head and I'm going to write

[00:39:58] another shadows for October because it was their final year. And I just felt like, why the fuck not?

[00:40:06] Yeah. I'm just going to write it and it can be terrible and, um, but it should be a lot of fun.

[00:40:11] And so, and even though it's, you know, halfway through the week, um, or the month, um, I'm still

[00:40:18] going to write it. So yeah. So whatever it looks like, it's going to be whatever it is. And then

[00:40:24] I'll start the next one and then I'll start the next one again in the beginning of the month,

[00:40:29] because the intent is, is to try to do something, even if it's messy, um, just to get kind of like

[00:40:37] a footing again to, um, more writing. Yeah. Um, in my life. So that's all that. Yeah. And, um,

[00:40:46] and the other part of that is, is that the part that was like stressing myself out, it's kind of like,

[00:40:53] um, not being able to see the small steps do anything. And so then you're just like defeating

[00:41:00] yourself and telling yourself, man, I don't have to do any of the steps because none of them are going

[00:41:05] to work, but not doing any writing, not doing any of the little steps is kind of, um, frustrating to

[00:41:14] me. Um, so, and I'm missing that kind of creative, um, life. And so I'm returning back to it, which is

[00:41:21] kind of nice. Yeah. So it's kind of a nice achievement to kind of come back to it. So

[00:41:26] I'm glad that you're going back to yours as well with doing standup. Um, even though I set the

[00:41:31] deadline for you. I know that's fine. Listen, I called out your rule. You gave me a deadline.

[00:41:38] That's why this partnership works. Yeah, that's true. It's the accountability buddy system.

[00:41:44] That C you are the accountability buddy. Yeah. Yeah. TM.

[00:41:51] It might be. I don't know. Yeah. Somebody's trademark anyway.

[00:41:56] I certainly on that website. Um, I was going to say about it. I, Oh, I love that you figured out

[00:42:05] that you had another rule. Yeah. I, um, didn't realize it until I started rethinking it and I go,

[00:42:12] you know, this storyline would be perfect for Nandor and Laszlo. And I went, no, I can't do that. And I

[00:42:19] went, can I not do that? And that was where the questioning came from. And then Gabby's voice came

[00:42:25] up again and said, sounds like a rule. Oh yeah, that could be a rule. And, um, realized why the fuck

[00:42:35] not? Like, why not do it? Why not write, you know, another one and, you know, write a hundred more.

[00:42:43] Yeah. Um, after that, after it's been over and the season's gone and I'm still keeping it alive.

[00:42:49] I'm writing more what we do in the shadows. Those fan fiction sites need new material. It can't all

[00:42:56] just be like Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy getting it on, you know, got to break new ground.

[00:43:03] Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I'm excited. Good. That's exciting. I can't wait to read it. Yeah.

[00:43:12] Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. I don't know what we're doing, but this is fun.

[00:43:18] Shoot. There was something I wanted to say about something you said.

[00:43:25] Ah, that's it. That'll be my catchphrase for the, um, standup rule. Sounds like a rule.

[00:43:39] You don't want to do a total roast on your first time on stage. I know that's what I like very much

[00:43:46] do, but I'm like, you want friends, right? Gabby. And I'm like, well, maybe that's how you make

[00:43:51] friends in comedic circles, you know? Hang on for one second. The Blue Angels are in town and I hate

[00:44:01] them. I hate them with a passion. What's fun is like they were practicing yesterday and I have students in

[00:44:10] various parts of the Bay Area, uh, all on zoom. And so they would, you know, basically buzz my apartment

[00:44:17] and I couldn't hear anything for like 30 seconds. And then I would be talking to my student like,

[00:44:24] oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. That was the Blue Angels. And then the Blue Angels would come and buzz

[00:44:29] wherever they were because they're going real fast. Yeah. And I was just like,

[00:44:35] I guess this is kind of a bonding moment, but I hate it. I hate loud noises.

[00:44:41] Yeah, we have the Blue Angels, but ours is in August. Yeah. Do you guys have Fleet Week as well?

[00:44:47] Yeah. It's, uh, it's called, um, oh God, what is it called? Um, Sailors R Us. Oh, Seafair.

[00:44:57] Oh, that's really cute. Yeah. Yeah. Bud, can you stop licking? Thank you. Bunny just had to

[00:45:03] get in on the pod. Yeah. The Fleet Week here, it's, I don't think I've ever been in San Francisco

[00:45:13] for and or seen sailors. It's just been the Blue Angels bumming me out for like four days.

[00:45:21] Disrupting you at every moment. Yeah. Yeah. Were you and I talking about like the

[00:45:27] overlap between like on the spectrum and ADHD sometimes?

[00:45:33] Anyway. I bet. We, we talk a lot about things and I don't know what ends up in the podcast.

[00:45:38] What ends up in a conversation? Yeah. Yeah. But I was thinking about, it's like,

[00:45:44] oh yeah, I don't like loud noises, crowded, crowds. I don't like crowded spaces. Yeah.

[00:45:52] And I'm like, is that, it's a little spectrum-y? Might be. Could be. Yeah.

[00:45:57] Yeah. But anyway. Yeah. I mean, could be. It's like, what am I going to do about it? Nothing.

[00:46:08] Well, yeah. Yeah. That's cool. Does it change anything? No.

[00:46:21] So are we, are we at the end? I think we're at the end. But I did just want to say it's OCD

[00:46:28] Awareness Week. So ignore your ADHD, ignore your spectrum-ness, ignore your anxiety, depression,

[00:46:36] bipolar, borderline, schizophrenia. Just put all that on the back burner.

[00:46:43] Yeah. Just focus on OCD. That's right.

[00:46:48] Be aware of your OCD. I would ask the narcissist to do it, but they can't.

[00:46:52] No. No. No. Not something they can do. No, not something they can do.

[00:47:03] This got weird.

[00:47:05] Yeah. That's great. We're just dissing other mentals.

[00:47:11] Not people, just flavors of mentals. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:47:15] But yeah, maybe we do start fighting. Like I start fighting with all the comics. You and I,

[00:47:19] as a podcast, start fighting with like other people with different mental flavors.

[00:47:23] Yeah. It seems like our personalities.

[00:47:26] Yeah, it does.

[00:47:27] Well, combative. I think that's the subtitle of our podcast.

[00:47:35] Gabby and Heather get combative.

[00:47:38] Yes.

[00:47:39] Yes.

[00:47:41] And not in the way you think.

[00:47:42] No, not at all.

[00:47:46] Well, I, you know, I still have OCD. How about you?

[00:47:49] Yeah, I still have OCD too.

[00:47:51] So people be aware.

[00:47:56] No, but it is good. It is good to get the word out there in terms of like, you know, like

[00:48:03] when you, when you try to explain to somebody about your OCD, but not really explain everything

[00:48:07] because it totally repulses them and would probably make them run out the door and go,

[00:48:11] Oh my God, why do you think that?

[00:48:13] Yeah.

[00:48:14] There must be something wrong with you because that's already what we think.

[00:48:17] Right.

[00:48:17] It is what we think.

[00:48:18] Yes.

[00:48:19] They're okay.

[00:48:20] Very, very quick, quick, quick.

[00:48:21] Um, so I worked at a summer camp for forever and one year, like we had never done this before.

[00:48:27] There was this couple who was hired to come talk to us during the training week for all

[00:48:32] of the staff.

[00:48:33] And they just kind of railed on like, if you are thinking, uh, anything like untoward about

[00:48:41] children or like, like if you're thinking of abusing children, like leave, but then they

[00:48:48] also were really drilling down on the point of like, if you have any thoughts of hurting

[00:48:55] a child in these like ways, then you should get in your car and leave the camp and never

[00:49:01] come back.

[00:49:02] And it was like, Oh, that's interesting.

[00:49:08] You know, because it's like for OCD people, like we have the most horrendous thoughts and

[00:49:15] turns out most people haven't, uh, horrendous thoughts because they're just thoughts.

[00:49:19] Right.

[00:49:20] Yeah, they are.

[00:49:20] They're just thoughts.

[00:49:21] And then it's just like, we've been talking about ascribing meaning to it.

[00:49:24] And I was just like, upon learning about OCD many years later, like, I wonder if anybody

[00:49:30] who truly would never, ever, ever in a million years, right.

[00:49:35] But because they've have intrusive thoughts that scare the crap out of them actually have

[00:49:41] left, you know, and quit summer camp.

[00:49:46] Hmm.

[00:49:47] Yeah.

[00:49:48] Could be this.

[00:49:50] I mean, you're like, you can't hear them.

[00:49:54] I know exactly.

[00:49:59] Yeah, I think, um, I mean, cause it's, it's the one thing to think of, it's another thing

[00:50:03] to have action towards them and, um, anybody with, um, OCD doesn't act on them at all.

[00:50:11] No, no.

[00:50:11] We are just paralyzed in fear about ever potentially acting on them.

[00:50:17] Yeah.

[00:50:17] And that, that, you know, yeah, if we would have the capabilities of doing that, you know,

[00:50:22] or even the mechanics of doing it, you know, it's just like, no, no.

[00:50:26] Yeah.

[00:50:27] Yeah.

[00:50:28] Yeah.

[00:50:28] Um, yeah.

[00:50:29] And it is the, and so it's the, um, it's the de-stigmatizing the thought of like, what

[00:50:37] is OCD, you know, cause the challenging part is people think it means organizing cookies

[00:50:44] in a jar, you know, or, you know, or, you know, stuff like that.

[00:50:51] And there is some counting elements to some OCD, but again, the mechanics of it, you know,

[00:50:57] is intrusive thought, you know, feeling emotion, you know, stuff like that.

[00:51:03] And then the need to cover the thought with a compulsion, you know, checking rumination.

[00:51:13] Yeah.

[00:51:13] Yeah.

[00:51:14] Yeah.

[00:51:15] It's just, and, and that awareness is important.

[00:51:20] Yeah.

[00:51:21] Yeah.

[00:51:22] Yeah.

[00:51:22] It is.

[00:51:23] Cause it's hard to describe.

[00:51:24] It truly is.

[00:51:26] And, um, I like, you know, my family who thank you guys for listening to the podcast.

[00:51:35] Um, they have said that, you know, it really has enlightened them on what's going on for

[00:51:43] me.

[00:51:44] Right.

[00:51:45] And OCD in general, because, you know, like you were saying, it shows up in so many different

[00:51:50] ways.

[00:51:50] It does.

[00:51:51] And, uh, not always easy to articulate because if it's something that you are terrified of,

[00:51:58] why would you be out here sharing it?

[00:52:01] Yeah, that's true because people can take it the wrong way.

[00:52:05] They can take it the wrong way or it jinxes it, you know, cause I think OCD has some superstition

[00:52:10] to it.

[00:52:11] And so then it's going to actually come true.

[00:52:12] Right.

[00:52:13] Yep.

[00:52:13] Yep.

[00:52:14] Yes.

[00:52:14] So OCD awareness.

[00:52:17] Woo.

[00:52:18] Woo.

[00:52:18] Woo.

[00:52:19] Woo.

[00:52:19] We're aware.

[00:52:21] We're doing gestures.

[00:52:23] Yes.

[00:52:24] Yes.

[00:52:24] All right.

[00:52:25] Well, I'm glad to be aware of your OCD.

[00:52:27] Yeah.

[00:52:28] I'm glad to be aware of yours as well.

[00:52:30] Thank you.

[00:52:32] And, um, you know, at some point we're going to have like a phone number or something and

[00:52:36] then people can call in and tell us about their OCD.

[00:52:39] Then we'll be aware of that.

[00:52:40] Well, we do, we do have access to voice on our, uh, website.

[00:52:46] There is, yeah, a contact us where you can leave us a message, um, by typing it up or, um,

[00:52:54] talking to us and leaving us a long voicemail message.

[00:52:59] Don't give them any ideas.

[00:53:01] Listen, if I want them to, it needs to be at least two hours.

[00:53:06] Yeah.

[00:53:07] Don't take a breath.

[00:53:08] Don't drink water.

[00:53:09] Two hours or we're not listening.

[00:53:10] Um, yeah.

[00:53:12] And that's on our comically exposed.com.

[00:53:15] Yep.

[00:53:16] On our website.

[00:53:17] Yeah.

[00:53:17] Cool.

[00:53:18] Yeah.

[00:53:19] Well, thank you for setting that up.

[00:53:21] Thank you for listening listeners.

[00:53:23] And, um, have a really good week.

[00:53:27] Whether you're aware of OCD or not.

[00:53:29] Yeah.

[00:53:30] Have a good week, everyone.

[00:53:31] Yeah.

[00:53:32] Bye.

[00:53:32] Bye.

[00:53:32] Bye.

[00:53:33] Bye.

[00:53:39] Welcome to the end of the show.

[00:53:40] This is Gabby Blackman.

[00:53:42] And this is Heather Nye.

[00:53:43] Thank you for listening to comically exposed.

[00:53:45] We're just a little show with two creators who edit and produce each episode.

[00:53:51] We appreciate all your support.

[00:53:53] If you like what you heard, please follow us on Instagram at comicallyexp.podcast.

[00:53:58] That's C-O-M-I-C-A-L-L-Y-E-X-P.podcast.

[00:54:05] Oh, and check out our website at comicallyexposed.com.

[00:54:08] That's one word.

[00:54:12] Comicallyexposed.com.

[00:54:13] Where you can contact us by text or even leave a voice message.

[00:54:17] Or subscribe to us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

[00:54:23] New episodes drop every other Wednesday.

[00:54:25] Also, special thanks to Track Club and Golden Finch for providing the music.

[00:54:29] Thanks for listening.

[00:54:30] And hey, everybody, today is a great day to expose yourself.

[00:54:35] Okay.

[00:54:36] Until next time.

[00:54:37] In your face, Miriam.