Episode 28 - We're Back

Episode 28 Transcript: [🎵 Intro Music] Gabbie: Hey. Oh my gosh. Welcome everybody to Comically Exposed. Uh, we're so happy to be back. I am Gabbie Blachman, and this is my co-host, Heather: Heather Nye. Gabbie: Woo-hoo. Heather: Woo-hoo. Gabbie: Okay, so, um, yeah, it's episode 28, right? Heather: Yeah, 28. We're back. Gabbie: Probably. Heather: Probably. If, if we. Gabbie: 28 we're back. Heather: Can count. Um. Gabbie: And we're not promising that we can count. Heather: No. Gabbie: Um, it's been a heck of a doozy of a whatchama. 2025. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: You know? Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: She's, she's somethum. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: She's, uh, she's somethum. Uh, so our apologies for taking a bit of a hiatus, but I'm sure you're also feeling the reasons. Heather: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Gabbie: Mm-hmm. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: Um, anyway, Comically Exposed. It's a podcast about comedy and it's a podcast about OCD slash mental health in general. Heather: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Gabbie: And process. Heather: Yes. Gabbie: Yeah. Um, shout out to my friend Adam for pointing that out. It is a podcast about process. Mm-hmm. Heather: Yeah. We're stealing that tagline. Gabbie: Yeah. Heck yeah. We are. I love that. So, how's your process been, Heather? Heather: Um, it has been, well, it just depends 'cause it's our, it's hard to like pinpoint it because there's a lot has happened since, uh, we last spoke, um, being recorded. I mean, we, we speak all the time. We text and stuff like that, but, you know, um, but not recorded. Sorry to everybody's dismay, not listening to every little thing that's that we talk about. That's, um, but yeah, no, it was a nice break. Um, the break first initiated by me by a little bit of burnout, um, and trying to balance out working on my shit and working on the podcast shit. So, um, that's, that was the balancing act and so I, uh, kind of trying to figure that out. Also, I was trying to figure out what kind of projects I wanted to work on. Um. Gabbie: Ooh. Heather: Yeah, because I mean, I still don't really know, but, um, I've been assessing and I've been trying on different things like do I wanna continue writing, um, scripts, like TV, screenplays or whatever, and, uh, or do I want to get back into like, writing short stories or, or just doing silly sketches. You know, that's the other thing is, um. You know, going through that kind of haphazardly and trying to figure out how that works. And so, um, yeah, that's kind of what I'm working on, but. Gabbie: Nice. Heather: Yeah. How about you, Gabbie? Gabbie: Um. Heather: What have you done lately? Gabbie: What have you done for me lately? Uh, well, I don't wanna move on to be just quite yet. Heather: Oh, yeah, yeah. Gabbie: Because I have some questions for you. Heather: Oh, okay. Questions. Gabbie: Um, because I think both of us were kind of in the same spot when we started this podcast, and we were both kind of like, how do we become TV writers? Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: To some extent. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: And then, I don't know, uh, what it's been like for you, but it's kind of like, uh, with streaming, kinda pulling back their investments into new projects. And then there was the strikes, and then there was, I don't, it just seemed like whatever idea I had of what. Writing on a TV show. 'Cause really what I wanted was to be around a, a team of people. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: That was working together to build something. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: Creatively. Heather: Yeah. Same. Gabbie: And then also I wanted to like have that focus be comedy, you know, like we're all trying for jokes and we're all like giving each other thoughts and opinions on, oh, that joke could be funnier if he just did that like this. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: Or, you know, just spitballing ideas or something. All of that sounded ideal to me. And then to find out that writer's rooms now are not big at all. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: If they even exist and, you know, most of the time the writers are fairly isolated and then come back together and I'm just like. Well, what is the point of that? You know, that doesn't sound like fun. So I don't know what, what has your process been? Heather: Yeah, yeah. I um, I agree. I'm sorry I jumped through 'cause I'm like, yeah, we're getting in it. Gabbie: Oh no. Yeah. Heather: And then I'm just like saying everything all at once. Gabbie: Great. Heather: Yeah. Um, I guess I have a similar effect, um, because like, it sounds like right now it's a little bit harder. I mean, not a little bit. It's always been difficult to become a, um, to be new in TV writing, um. Gabbie: Mm-hmm. Heather: And unless you've already, unless you've written something that everybody's in love with, you know, it's really hard to get in. And so for me it's like, I think, I think my new approach is, is like, not even though I would love to be in a team where you get to work with a lot of creative people and getting to develop stories together. I would love that. But I feel like right now I kind of wanna own my stuff. A little bit more just so I can have my creative voice show a little bit. Gabbie: Mm-hmm. Heather: And whether or not that fits with other people, that's fine. But I don't know. It's, it's kind of, um, it's difficult because when you're trying to start out and you're new, but you have a lot of experience under your belt, you know, in other things. Um, so it's kind of difficult to be that kind of fresh faced person from in their twenties or whatever. Gabbie: Mm-hmm. Heather: And, um, coming into it without any sort of experience, okay, what do I want? Like what do I want? Gabbie: Right? Heather: I want to be able to create things and I want to be able to creatively output something that gives me pleasure. That's essentially what I'm looking for. Gabbie: Mm-hmm. Heather: And I've worked in a field, um, in the past. Where it was incredibly creative, especially in school, like a lot of freedom. But then when I got into the career, I felt myself being pulled towards something that I didn't want to do. And I was no longer getting any sort of like, like pleasure or like, um, intellectual, um, kind of like, you know, stimulation. Gabbie: Stimulation. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: Yeah. Heather: And so after a while it just felt like I can already see the steps, I can already see the things. And so I'm just like, ugh. You know? And yeah. And it was funny 'cause it didn't, it took somebody else that I worked with to show me that they got pleasure from the work that they were doing and they were finding it in other ways and the stimulation that they were looking for, but they were also just saying what they wanted and kind of doing it. So I don't blame the industry that I left, but I do, I do, I did make me discover that I was looking for something else to do. I don't know how else to explain it. Like something that just kind of feels like it comes from a place of like art or place of creativity or, you know, I don't know. I, I feel like I'm losing myself again. Like, it's too many things that I'm thinking. This is a good question, Gabbie. You've just unlocked like so much in my brain. Gabbie: Yeah. Well, you don't have to answer at all now if you can. Heather: Yeah. See that's the other thing is like, you asked me one point, it's like, what do you wanna be for the rest of your life? Gabbie: The rest of your life? And you cannot change. Yes. So pick perfectly the first time. Heather: And you have to have the right answer right in the moment, and you cannot change that answer ever. Gabbie: Oh my gosh. Okay. Total tangent. But that unlocked something for me. So I, and this kind of goes to what do I want. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: And what do I wanna be doing creatively and stuff like that, but. So very briefly, I did standup this past weekend. It's the second time that I've done standup. It went incredibly well. Um, I'll talk about it more in a second, but the, because I've wanted to be a standup. I, I would say since I was nine years old, since the first time I saw standup. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: I have a fear of failure at it, so then I don't wanna try. Right? Heather: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Gabbie: Um, and so I have this like want to bomb as sort of an exposure, so I'm no longer afraid of it. Yeah. So it doesn't hold me back from going out and doing the thing that I love. So last night in my dream, I fully bombed. Heather: Oh. Gabbie: Yeah. I like was on a, you know, it was like a pretty stacked show of like comics I really love, like, I think Mateo Lane was one of the comics, you know, anyway, and I got up there and I just fucking stunk and I could not get the audience to, you know, interact with me at all. And it was like, you know, worse than booing, it was just like, silence, you know? And. Heather: The silent judgment. Gabbie: Yeah. Heather: You're terrible. Gabbie: Totally. You're ter. I just kind of like, ugh, when's this one gonna get off the stage? You know, like that kind of thing. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: And, um, yeah, it was really hard. I, I don't know if my brain is trying to help me or hurt me by, by putting me through that because, you know, it isn't actually the event. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: But that's pretty hysterical. That just happened last night. Heather: Yeah. You do have OCD by the way. So. Gabbie: What? Heather: Didn't I tell you? Gabbie: No, uh, you've been holding out this whole time. Um, yeah, so I, I would say that like my big things are, I'm with you. It's kind of like, okay, so if the TV writing thing in the writer's room is not an actual thing. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: And I've been putting all of this energy and time into, you know, writing and needing a packet and blah, blah, blah. And it's like, dude, and also the amount of networking that you would have, that I would have to do. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: In order to get my packet seen. So again, I'm with you, what can I own? Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: That's my creativity. And so I think doing more standup and I've, I've come to the realization and I've talked to you and the rest of our sketch writing group, which. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: At least one person writes sketch. No, the rest of us, I think are there for. Heather: Susan's the only one that writes sketch. Gabbie: She and like doing the dang thing. Heather: Yeah. You know what I mean? And then Kelsey brings in like great pieces. Gabbie: Kelsey's writing books. Heather: Yeah, I know. Gabbie: You know what I mean? That woman is next level. So. Yeah. I love that. And we have a podcast. Um, but anyway. Heather: That just came back on air. Gabbie: Yeah, it's perfect. We're all doing great. Heather: Uhhuh Uhhuh. Gabbie: Um, but I'm with you. Like, what can I do? So standup is great because that's performance. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: And you know what? I love to have like a regular improv set. Totally. Absolutely. But I'm really starting to think of what can I do that's mine? Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: Right. And I absolutely do love performing. So is that open mic nights that aren't just for standup? Because I don't, I don't like the open mic scene, at least the ones that I've. Gone to. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: Out here because it's just, I mean, it's like 80 to 90% dudes. It's like the lowest hanging fruit of like, quote unquote edgy comedy, which is just racism and homophobia. Heather: Mm. Gabbie: And transphobia and of course misogyny. Who can. Heather: Who can forget that? Gabbie: Failed to ring that bell. Yeah, exactly. It's just so good. Um, my open mic night, I think where I would be more comfortable is the one where like a poet goes on before me and then, you know, immediately afterwards. Heather: Uhhuh. Gabbie: It's like a, a five piece family jug band or something like that. You know what I mean? Like, I think I thrive in the more supportive kinda, I guess weirder. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: You know, spots. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: I just don't like the antagonistic environment of the open mic nights that I've been going to. I just don't like, and I know people will say, or could say that as a standup, you need to be able to sell any room, but I, I'm just like, I don't think I have to, you know what I mean? Like, I was listening to Caleb Heron on a podcast recently. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: And he was saying that when he was starting out, he went to a couple of open mic nights and was like, oh, this isn't for me. And then started putting on shows that was like him and a musician friend of his. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: And so like the musician friend would do a couple songs and then he do a couple jokes and then they do a couple songs and he do, and I was like, yeah, exactly. Why can't I maybe put on an, an evening. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: Of comedy or variety or whatever. And I think I've been, I've been looking to make that happen with other people, like have, um, a co-producer of the event. Heather: Cool. Gabbie: Which is great, but I also feel like maybe that's not necessary. You know, maybe this is something that I just kind of try on my own and then when people are interested and wanna be a part of it, I'm more than, you know, happy to have somebody else to work on it with. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: So that's a current thought. And then I also have like these other thoughts of, maybe I just do weird little videos that I put up or something like that. But, um, I just talked a lot and I'm about to talk more 'cause I wanna talk about my standup experience. Heather: No, no. Yeah. I want you to because I watched it. Gabbie: Yeah, you did. Heather: And you were amazing by the way. And I was, I was, um, shocked that you didn't write it out. You were, it was just like, I mean, you had kind of an idea, but it was fully structured on the fly. Gabbie: Yes. Heather: Which is amazing. And. Gabbie: Thank you. Heather: It was so funny. I, I. Gabbie: Thank you. Heather: I don't mean to like, make you blush. Gabbie: No. Heather: Okay. Like, 'cause it's, it was really good and I was laughing and so, um, that's the kind Yeah. Yeah. Usually you wanna have laughs in um, a standup set. Yes. Gabbie: Okay. I'm learning a lot this episode and I'm taking notes. I'm writing it all down. So I have OCD. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: Laughs are good. Heather: Yeah. And, and you're, you, you're, you could tell your nervous energy because you were doing a little bit of leg stretching or, or something. Gabbie: My leg was constantly bouncing. Heather: Yeah. I was like, I don't know what the leg is doing, but it's not distracting me. 'Cause the jokes were funny and so that's good. And so, yeah. Gabbie: Holy shit. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: Thank you. Heather: So. Gabbie: Uh, yeah, truly when I got off the stage I was like. Fuck. I wish that Heather and Susan, Kelsey were there. 'Cause I value your guys' opinion so much. So that really means a lot to me. Thank you. Heather: Yeah. Um, now that I made you cry. Gabbie: I know not to be vulnerable, but I am tearing up a little bit. Um, yeah man. Uh, my stepsister, thank God she filmed it and. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: I, I did not know that she was going to film it. In fact, she told me that she, that she did when I got off the stage and I was like, what. Heather: Didn't you see me black out in the middle of the floor? Like I was totally there just flopping around. Gabbie: Exactly. I was like, how dare you? And then I was, and then I was like, oh, wait a minute. No. I'm so thankful that she did. Um, yeah. 'Cause this is the other thing I have realized. Shocking that perfectionism should come into my process. Uh, that I thought that I had to have a written out and memorized set, and it was so much pressure and because of my ADHD or whatever else, that just wasn't happening for me. And I was like, see, you are such a failure at being a comic because you can't write out a set. Or if I did write out a set, then I couldn't memorize it or whatever. And. Then again, man, podcasts are so helpful. I was listening to Marc Maron talk about his process and he's like, I don't write down anything. I get up on stage, I have a couple of ideas of like jokes at work, and then I just kind of talk about whatever's on my mind, and he is like, and then I start to coalesce like, ah, here's the idea. Here's the next idea. And then I can bring that to the next show. But he doesn't write down anything, or he writes down very, very little. Heather: Mm. Gabbie: And I was like, oh shit. Yeah, that's it. That's the process for me. And so it, so I performed at this women's weekend, which was so incredibly lovely. The whole weekend was fantastic. There's women like, I don't know, 18 or so to like 90 plus. Like, I mean, just a ton of women, 150 or so, all different ages. Um, and it was, I would say upper forties, Fahrenheit. Out there. Heather: Wow. Gabbie: It was cold. And uh, we were on these beautiful but incredibly uncomfortable benches. My best friend Kate, like a few hours before was like, there's the signup sheet for the open mic. You should go sign up. And I was like, nah, I don't. And she was like, go sign up. And I was like. Heather: Yay Kate. Gabbie: Yay Kate. Yeah. Big shout out Kate. Um, so that's what I did. And then I tried, I, I tried not to think about it too much. Um, both what it would mean. 'cause that's exactly what my OCD wanted to think about. Like, let's subscribe, uh, ascribe so much meaning to this set as to whether or not I make it and what even is making it, you know what I mean? Heather: True. Gabbie: Like, I don't know. So that part, and then also, uh, like periodically I would think, oh yeah, that's kind of a funny anecdote. Or what has made my friends laugh this weekend, or, you know, what have you. So, um, yeah. And then I had a few ideas, and then when I got on stage, I was like, feeling out what would work with that audience. Heather: Hmm. Yeah. Gabbie: You know? Heather: Yeah. But the way you structured it, it felt, it was thought through. Gabbie: Yay! Heather: Yeah, it did. Gabbie: Thank you. Heather: And the way that, um, you transitioned between, I, I don't know how much you wanna share. Gabbie: Oh, I'm, yeah, whatever. That's fine. Heather: No, but, uh, the way that you transitioned, uh, you kept the subject matter very, like similar. Gabbie: Mm-hmm. Heather: But the way you transition between, like, it is almost like, in my mind it's like scenes, but they're like parts of your set. Right. And then. Gabbie: Yeah. Heather: And then they transitioned between made sense. Like it felt like it felt like you. Gabbie: Coherent. Heather: Yeah. It felt coherent. It felt like you practiced it, but not in a way that didn't feel natural. That was the thing. I was like, you really sold, like, you know, I'm natural. I'm doing this, you know, and it was, it was really like, I don't know. I was like, yeah, Gabbie, this is a thing. Gabbie: Yeah. Heather: This is a thing you should be doing. Gabbie: Yeah. Heather: More often. Gabbie: That's, that's what it felt like for me too. Yeah. I was like, oh shit. I mean, do I already have some ideas of like, oh, I should flip the two bits. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: 'Cause the one that got the stronger laugh was in the front and I think that should go in the back. And then, um, I was pretty happy with my presence on stage, but I was like, oh, a big thank you at the end. A very confident thank you. I think is a good. Way to leave a set as opposed to, I mean, what I did was fine, but I, I just, you know, there's that thing in improv where the audience has a really hard time watching characters who are self-conscious and unsure of themselves. Heather: Oh, just like me. Gabbie: But like, there's a way to do it. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: Right? Heather: There is. Gabbie: But if you go on stage and you're like, ah, ahhh, yaaah, yeah. It makes the audience feel the exact same way. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: Right? Then. Heather: Yeah, it does. Gabbie: They're like nervous for you and they're worried about you, and they want you to be okay. And that's not necessarily a place of laughter. You know. Heather: Unless you have a really mean crowd. Gabbie: Yeah. You, that's true. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: Unless it's the open mic night crowd, in which case I'm sure that's like perfect. They would be like, yes. Crush their soul. But yeah, I, I, I feel like I did some of that, but I was like, oh, I could do more. Like there's this interesting part of me that's like, no, you have to be apologetic Gabbie on stage because you're taking up people's time or something, you know? Heather: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Gabbie: Yeah. Heather: So it's your own misogyny. Gabbie: Thank you. Finally. Heather: No, I just, I just mean like, you know, the thing is, is that nothing really, there's no rules about things and. Gabbie: Right. Heather: I think when you have the stage, you could take up as much space as you would like. Gabbie: Thank you. Heather: Yeah. 'Cause I think. Gabbie: I agree. Heather: Yeah. Yeah. Gabbie: And, and then, so this is another reason why I was really happy that my stepss are taped it. Shout out Jules. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: Um, because I was like, oh shit. Like, I wanna see that person on stage. Like I think my nervous ticks were fine. Like my leg was bouncing for the first part, and um, it was also freezing cold. Heather: Yeah. Yeah. Gabbie: But I like seeing somebody get on stage and just be like, hi, like, I'm meant to be up here. You're meant to be watching me. Nobody's doing anything wrong right now. Heather: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gabbie: We're about to have a real good time. Heather: Yeah. And I think you, I think you did that. I think you accomplished that. Gabbie: Thanks. Heather: I mean, and it's, it's hard to believe that that's, that was like how many years ago when the last time you did standup? Gabbie: Oh, I know. I was trying to think of when I went to visit Susan, I think it was 2022. So we're going on three years almost. Exactly. Yeah. It was 22 or 23, so yeah, either two or three years. But I like to say I'm in an international comic because the one time I did. Heather: The first time you did standup was. Gabbie: In Calgary. Heather: In Calgary. Gabbie: And now Yosemite. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: So really the biggest, the brightest. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: Um, yeah. The other piece was, um, I, I realized my standup was a little bit blue, and it's interesting to like. I don't know. All of this is to say blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. All of this is to say thank you so much. Um, I feel like I, I kept it cohesive as well. Heather: Yes, you did. Gabbie: I think, yeah, a lot of that is also just like the speed to which my brain works and just how natural it feels to be on stage. And I just can kind of see like, oh, this next piece goes here and this next piece goes here and this next piece goes here. But I can only see it really in the moment when I try and like write it all down and memorize it. It's so much harder for me to like visualize how it all fits together and God bless people who do, but that I, you know, it's just not my process and that's okay. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: And when I got off stage. What was insane was I couldn't walk three steps before somebody was like gushing about how much they loved it and how much they had like a full belly laugh, which was awesome because this was going to be an incredibly supportive audience that was gonna like clap and gimme props no matter what. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: But like the fact that they actually actually laughed. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: Was awesome. Um, and then for the rest of the weekend I had people coming up and asking for my mailing list, asking where I'm performing again, telling me like to let them all know. I know, dude. So it's like. Heather: Dude. Gabbie: Okay, wait a minute. Heather: Gabbie, we gotta make you a website. Gabbie: Squarespace, get at us. Um, yeah, exactly. And it's like, wait, I could put on. Uh, an event in the Bay Area, not only just based on these people, but like the other camp people who have basically seen me perform throughout the years and who have told me like, I would come see a performance of yours. And it's like, well, fuck if I already have a built-in audience and I'm doing okay financially for like the first time ever, then maybe the idea of putting on an event isn't so far fetched. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: You know? Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: That's the thought. Heather: It sounds like a good thought. Gabbie: So thank you. So that's what I wanna do. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: No big whoop. Heather: Just my, just my dreams. Gabbie: Just dreams. Heather: You know? Just living my dreams. Gabbie: It's fine. Heather: Living the dream. Gabbie: It's whatever. Heather: Come on. Gabbie: It's so cool. It's totally fine. Heather: I'm not gonna hide out under a blanket, you know? Gabbie: No. Heather: Uh, during the day. Gabbie: Just because I've had to do this entire podcast from under a blanket is don't. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: Take that as meaning. Heather: This is just a new look that i'm going with. Gabbie: Thank you. Heather: It's a fashion choice. Gabbie: Yep. I call it comfy. That's a shout out to my standup routine. I don't know if I wanna put it out for everybody, but. Heather: Yeah. Understood. But. Gabbie: You know what's interesting is I did send it to, um, a, a, a fella or two that I am seeing. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: Um, and it was interesting, like, first of all, they all loved it obviously, um, but. Like a couple of 'em were also saying, um, oh, I remember when you said that joke to me. And it's like, yeah, it comes from my life. Heather: Where do you think jokes come from? Gabbie: Yeah, exactly. Heather: It's like where babies come from. Gabbie: Yeah, exactly. Right up the hoo-ha. That's where we all come from. Yeah, man. Heather: Just don't call it a placenta. I know. Let's not talk politically okay. Gabbie: No, no, it's fine. Do you remember when Elizabeth Banks started that women comedy company called WhoHaHa. Heather: Vaguely. Gabbie: Yeah. I remember her talking about it on like the Daily Show, or I don't remember the late whatever show. And I was like, oh, this is such a genius idea. And then they said the name of it and I was like, it's never gonna go anywhere. Sorry, I said that right. When you. Heather: Right when I drank water. Gabbie: But truly. Who. Ha ha. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: That's terrible. Heather: Mm. Yeah. Gabbie: Oh. Where'd you see that funny thing? Oh, on. Who ha ha. No. Heather: Mm-hmm. No thank you. Gabbie: No. Heather: I don't wanna see your who ha ha. Gabbie: No, I don't wanna see your who ha ha. And you know what it makes me think of, it makes me think of Al Pacino. Heather: Hoo ha. Gabbie: That's Yeah, exactly. Hoo ha ha. And I am like, that's not what I want. Heather: No. Gabbie: For lady comedy. Heather: No. Although now I have a weird visual in my head for some odd reason, and I don't think I should say it out loud. Gabbie: What I would love is if both of us just drew it out real quick, because I also have a visual, and then at the count of three, we just like shout each other. Yeah. Heather: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Gabbie: Audience write in, or you know what? Take a photo of whatever it is that you draw from that made. Yep. Mm-hmm. And then just put in the comments. Doesn't matter where Spotify get ready for some really good. Heather: Yeah. We'll, we'll just see 'em, you know? Gabbie: Yeah. We'll just see 'em. It'll be our new logo. It's fine. Heather: It's, it'll, it'll be great. It'll be great. Gabbie: So, um, okay, so we've stated some like. Goals. I'm trying to remember how this podcast works. Um. Heather: We don't, we don't, we don't have a format. Gabbie: Yeah. Heather: We talked about having a format. 'Cause I was trying to figure out how to do this and then I was thinking, that's not how we work. Gabbie: See, again, again, writing it down, it just ruins the flow. Heather: Yeah, yeah. Although I do like having millions of pieces of paper with random notes on them and then find them like three years later and go, I don't know what this means. Gabbie: Oh my God. I just recycled a post-it that I'm pretty sure had suggestions from our sketch group of like sketches I should write. And one of 'em was just like, pasta man or something. And I was like, Nope. Not a fucking clue. Heather: Hmm. Gabbie: Pasta man. Heather: Is he meant to be eaten or does he make food for you? Gabbie: I don't know. It's pasta man. He's coming where he is going. There he goes. Heather: Yep. Yep. Pasta man. Gabbie: Pasta man. I maybe he is got his cape and it's like one of those, um, macaroni art things. So you do, like in kindergarten, it just like crinkles and pasta just kind of falls off wherever it goes. Heather: Yeah. That sounds great. Gabbie, you you need. Gabbie: Thank you. Heather: You need to write that. Gabbie: Okay. Heather: You need to write it down on a note. Gabbie: I gonna to write it on a piece of paper here. That I over recycle in six months. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: The pasta man, what the fuck? Heather: It's just your brilliant idea, you know? Gabbie: Yeah. Heather: Come back and look back. Gabbie: I know. Gone to the ether. Yeah. Heather: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Gabbie: A hundred percent. Um, yeah, so I was thinking we do goals. Do we talk about, steps do we wanna take towards those goals? Do we take a moment and check in about our, our mental? What are you feeling? Heather: Hmm. I guess we could, I mean, I guess right now I'm in this limbo space where I'm still trying to figure out my goals and so I guess maybe we could. Gabbie: Oh, yeah, you don't wanna talk about steps if you don't know what the goals are. Heather: Well, I mean. Gabbie: That's crazy. Heather: I could talk about, I could talk about like, things that I'm thinking about and then. Gabbie: Oh, I like that. Heather: Yeah. 'Cause I've, I, was, I, in our group text chain, I wrote like a tiny sketch. Like, um, I don't remember exactly what it was, but it was a tiny sketch and it was, and then Susan made a comment, said, you should film that. And I sat there and the first thought I had was, eh. But then it started this ball rolling. 'Cause I started thinking about. Like what I would do. And I remember I talked about this in an earlier podcast episode. Um, then I just, it just kind of died with a bunch of things that, you know, usually die, you know, when it comes up. Um, but I am looking into, um, teaching myself some motion graphics or um, um, animation. Um, and it's something that. Gabbie: You did that, um, Trump pooping on the, uh, protesters animation. That was you. Heather: Yeah. I'm ai. Gabbie: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Heather: Or whatever, sora or whatever the fuck that is. Um. Gabbie: But this is gonna be a real timely joke. This episode comes out. Heather: I know there's gonna be 3 million other things that happened by the time this airs. Gabbie: I know. Heather: Um. Gabbie: They're gonna, I know by the time this airs, they're gonna be like, Trump did take a poop on some Americans. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: And filmed it, and we all just went along with it. Heather: Because we saw it before. Gabbie: Yeah, totally. Heather: Um, but I've, I've been thinking about like, like what I want to do, um, creatively and for comedy, and something that really inspired me was, you know, our, our friend, our friend group really inspires me. And, um. Gabbie: Same. Heather: And the ownership of things, you know, like for example, like Susan, you know, doing her own, um, sketch show, Got Milf!. and. Gabbie: Mm-hmm. Which everybody should check out on Roku. Heather: Oh yeah. And then filming it, and then it got turned into it, um, special. Gabbie: Mm-hmm. Heather: You know, and so, and then, you know, yeah, it's all over Roku now and, and it's hilarious. And so I started thinking like, what's my version of that? Like, that I can do and make? Oh yeah. And so I've been thinking about that. And so part of that has been, you know, doing some animations and potentially, you know, um. You know, not that I want to be an animator, although there was a portion of my life that I thought I would be a cartoonist. Um, but. Gabbie: Uhhuh. Heather: Um, I don't know. I just, I'm getting back into it and learning some programs and so, um, not just to distract myself, but to legitimately like, think about how to make something because it's like that Ira Glass quote that I'm gonna misquote. Gabbie: Perfect. Heather: Um, which is, you know, you have good taste, but you don't know how to make it good yet. So like, I have this like, vision of like how. Gabbie: Yeah. Heather: I want it to look and how I want it to feel and, and all this other stuff, but I don't know how to make it work. Yet. Gabbie: Yeah. There's that learning curve in between those two points. Heather: Yeah, absolutely. And so, yeah, the learning curve is very, I mean, it's not super steep because some of these programs I, I used to play with back in the day. And so it's like coming back to the latest technology of those programs. Gabbie: Mm-hmm. Heather: And also in my mind, the refusal of using like something like um, sora or something else, you know, to create this stuff because I feel like one, it's limiting to me 'cause it's not exactly what I'm looking for. And two, I don't like taking other people's shit. Like. Gabbie: You're a terrible capitalist. Heather: I don't know. Gabbie: Yeah. Heather: You know. Gabbie: Taking other people's shit is. Dumb. Heather: Yeah. Because. Gabbie: Jerk move. Heather: As, as ai as a tool. As a tool. Right. You know, if I'm using it for transcription or, or whatever, you know, um, that's fine. But, but to use it to like scrape people's. Gabbie: Right. Heather: Art, you know, it just Mm. No. Gabbie: Doesn't sit with you. Heather: No, it does not. Gabbie: Yeah. I get that. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: Well, good for you. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: Um, yeah, I'm excited to hear about how it goes with the animation programs. Uh, I want, because yeah, it's interesting to think about like stuff that we played with like 10 years ago or 15 years ago or something like that. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: And it's like, oh, the company is still around and they're still doing something similar, and it's like, hmm, let's see what they, uh, what they did in the intervening years. Heather: Exactly. Exactly. So how about you? What's your plan? Gabbie: Hmm. Well, I have two thoughts, right? Three. Um. One is there's an open mic out here that's more, you know, like lute playing. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: So I'm gonna check that one out. Heather: Cool. Gabbie: Um, just writing down my goals here. And then, um, the other one is looking into a venue to put on an event. And actually I have already in my head, like two or three people that I would love to invite to do something there. Like one is, uh, somebody who does or has done standup in the past and is very funny. One, um, oh, Kiki, my friend Kiki, who you met, um, who's just a brilliant creative and, you know, sings and plays music and just does all kinds of stuff. And then this other person that I. Uh, who performed at the open mic, and I forgot about how brilliant they are as a poet. Um, and I think their artist's name is Katie Wolf. And I mean, their poetry just was, I was just like a gut blow. It was amazing. And, uh, I was like, yeah, okay, great. You know, and just maybe put on a little variety show and have people come on out. I think I've talked to you about this off mic. There's a improv group in San Francisco that's been there forever, um, called BATS, and I have been meaning to go check them out because I, like we were also talking about how routine can be quite useful. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: And grounding. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: And yeah. I mean, it's like the difference between a completely blank page and being told, okay, well this sketch you have to include like a frog and your Aunt Mary and like three watermelon, or whatever it is. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: And then it's like, oh, okay. There's almost more freedom with the constrictions, you know? Heather: Yeah, yeah. With that little structure put in place. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Gabbie: So those are my three things. Heather: Oh, sounds good. Very ambitious. Gabbie: That's true, huh? Maybe I should slow down. Heather: They could be a year goal. Gabbie: Yeah, that's true. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: I mean, the thing is, is like I just wanna go to the open mic night. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: I would like to maybe talk to these performers and I would like to go to a show at BATS. Heather: Yeah. You know? Sounds good. Gabbie: Yeah. Sort of. Some of these are more passive items, but still, nonetheless exciting. Um, do you wanna get into mentals or. You wanna talk some more about comedy? Heather: Um, I guess, I mean, we can talk about mentals if you wanna talk about it for Yeah, yeah. Gabbie: We don't have to a ton. I just, um, I, uh, my ADHD therapist is on maternity leave until the new year. Um, and previous to that, my OCD group who I've been going to for, I don't know, five years or so, is at a time when a lot of kids want tutoring. Heather: Hmm. Gabbie: So, um, and I was only going like twice a month and then I was like canceling one of those. I was going like maybe once a month. Um, and I feel very lucky that I'm in sort of a maintenance phase with the OCD. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: Uh, but my psychiatrist did point out, uh. Our last session, she was like, okay, so you don't have any therapists or any groups right now? And I was like, Nope. And she was like, okay, well, you know, 'cause Kaiser apparently now does do, um, outside of their people therapy, like regular therapy that they cover. Heather: Mm. Gabbie: So that's a possibility. Uh, i've probably said it on this show, but, um, it's interesting the amount that money, um, plays into all of my anxieties and honestly depression. Um. The various manifestations of those. Heather: Yeah, of course. Gabbie: Because now that I am making a livable wage for the first time in 10 years, um, and I'm not like scraping by paycheck to paycheck, um, living this lavish, lavish lifestyle of a car that's from 2002 and an apartment that until recently had cockroaches, um, not to make people super jealous. Uh, so it's been quite lovely being able to pay my bills like even before they're due. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: Um, and just not having to worry day to day about money has alleviated so much stress in my life, which I know is. Probably obvious. And we talk about, not you and I, but like in general, it's talked about the incredible cost of being poor. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: And I'm not saying that I would poor, 'cause I've been, you know, I've had access to college education and I have, you know, family members that I could live with and I have, you know, I have. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: A lot of, um. Heather: Support. Gabbie: Yeah, a lot of support. Which is not to say that poor people do. I don't know, it's just, it's interesting to think of like, whether I call myself broke or I call myself poor, you know what I mean? And like the semantics. Anyway, let's not go into that. The point is, me, me, me, me, I'm doing okay right now. And it's, um, I've really noticed, like this time of year is the sad time of year, right? Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: This is the time when. Heather: Everything's dark. Gabbie: I start spending. Everything's dark and I start spending more time indoors and I have allergies to dust mites and then I just start to get miserable. And you know, it's just like a self perpetuating cycle. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: And I honestly feel better than I have in many, many years despite our country being a dumpster fire. You know, the part that I can control feels good. Heather: That's good. That's great. Thanks. That's really good. Gabbie: And it is, and I'm definitely starting up again with my ADHD therapist come the new year because I really, um, and again, I don't remember the last time you and I talked about this, but I do think that neurodiversity and OCD I think that there is like such a, I don't know if it's causation or what, but there's such a huge overlap there. And I think particularly with women, I don't know. What it is. But, um, the more I understand my ADHD, the more I'm like, oh, okay. Right. So I see how I developed these like white knuckling tendencies to get me to complete a task from start to finish. Heather: Yeah. Yeah. Gabbie: But then that white knuckling turns into OCD and rigid rules and things that I feel like I have to follow everywhere. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: And so like breaking it back to that beginning is like very helpful. Yeah. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: For me. Heather: Yeah. No, I, I, I agree in that sense. I mean, I don't, yeah. Yeah. I have lots of thoughts. Gabbie: Mm-hmm. Heather: Too many lining at once to be able to like, say things. Yeah. Gabbie: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Heather: Yeah. Um. Well, that's good. I mean, how are you, so I'm glad that you feel that kind of safety net. You know, money is a big thing and so money, you know. Gabbie: Yeah. Heather: The lack of money can create, you know, undue like, you know, pressures and, um, other, I mean, obviously it would, you know, bring up anxiety and depression and other things like, or at least, um, exacerbate them, you know, like to the, so they're bigger because there's just so much pressure, you know, especially in our current society. Gabbie: Yeah. Heather: And so, you know, that's just how it is. And then also the areas that we live in tend to be a tad bit more expensive. Gabbie: Um, indeed. Heather: And so, um, that's, yeah. Our existence. Do you feel like that your OCD, I mean, because you mentioned OCDs in maintenance phase, um, or at least your OCD is not popping up. Often as it used to. Gabbie: Mm-hmm. Heather: Um, do you feel like that you've noticed other kind of things like your ADHD or something else popping up? Gabbie: Oh, yeah, totally. Heather: Okay. Gabbie: Yeah. I mean it, like, once I, and you and I were talking, um, before we started about trying to figure out what is your voice? What is the OCD voice? Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: And truly that is like, for, for me, that was a big first step. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: Um, in, in feeling better because, um. Once I could delineate. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: Between the two, then I could make the decision of like, which one of these am I going to pay attention to? Heather: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Gabbie: Right. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: But when it was all like, oh, this all must be coming from me, then it was incredibly anxiety producing because the OCD one is just pushing the panic button every single minute and you're like, oh, we must be in danger. Right? Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: And then, um, and then seeing like, oh no, that's the little orange guy that's pressing the panic button. Do I wanna panic right now? Do I feel like that's necessary? I don't, I feel like doing this other thing that my guts says I wanna do, which is macaroni art. We're gonna do that. Um, so being in this kind of maintenance phase with that, then it was the exploration of the ADHD. Heather: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Gabbie: And I would say, um. ACT or just self straight up self-compassion. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: Has been super helpful there. Heather: Yeah. Yeah. Just to be able to have that conversation, um, with yourself and, you know, giving yourself grace to be able to exist in the world, even if you're not. Gabbie: Yes. Heather: The way that you want to be. Gabbie: Yes, exactly that. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: Exactly that. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: And it's, um, yeah, it's like with the standup thing, like when I finally am like, oh, that's not my process. My process is to get on stage and just go. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: That's, that's okay. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: That's my process. Heather: Exactly. Yeah. Gabbie: Yeah. Heather: And the other stuff is just noise. Gabbie: Yeah, exactly. And it's, and the noise was a lot of me screaming at myself. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: Right. Heather: Yeah. This is not the right way to do it. This is not whatever. Yeah. Gabbie: Yeah. Exactly. And a lot of that is from, you know, being ADHD and being in school. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: And constantly on every progress report, every report card, uh, not living up or not going to her full potential. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: Every single one. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: You know? Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: And just being like, okay, but I feel like I'm doing my best and I am like struggling, you know, because I'm masking so hard. Um, uh. Heather: It takes a lot, uh, uh, of a toll on a person to mask. Yes. 'cause it's so much extra effort. Gabbie: Yes. Heather: Um, to like do anything that seemingly everybody seems to do so easily. And. You know, needing to protect yourself or needing to fit in or needing to fit whatever societal norm is to do something. You know, and, and yeah, it's. Gabbie: Yeah. Heather: Can be kind of overwhelming because there's just so much, but. Yeah. Gabbie: Yeah, exactly. So somebody I was dating is like got ADHD, but is also a white man. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: And he was telling me, eh, something along the lines, he didn't mean this meanly, but it was something along the lines of like, you have so much more, like a more functional version of ADHD to me. And I said, I am just much better at masking than you are. Heather: Uhhuh. Yeah. Gabbie: And it's exhausting. Heather: You're gonna take a nap after this. Gabbie: Totally. And it's also like the way I was raised was to not only be in charge of my own nervous system, but also be in charge of whoever's nervous system was in front of me. Heather: Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Gabbie: Right. So. Heather: Yeah. It's. Gabbie: That's exhausting. Heather: It is exhausting. Yeah. 'Cause it's like you're protecting your own, you're not protecting your own internal needs. You're just protecting others, or at least. Gabbie: Yeah. In order, like on some level in order to protect myself. Heather: Yeah, true. Very true. Gabbie: You know? Heather: Yeah. Yeah. Gabbie: And it's just like, um, again, we were talking off camera about, uh, something about like manipulating another person so that they would focus on something else, right? Heather: Yes, yes. Gabbie: And it's like. I don't know that, I mean, maybe that we could definitely call that manipulation. We could also call that protection. Heather: Yes. Yeah. Well, well, with, with the thing that we talked about, it was more of a manipulation 'cause I didn't want, well, yes. I could see it as protection. I'm sorry, I'm like starting to like process it a little bit better. Gabbie: Okay. Heather: Um, but, uh, I could see that, um, because it's a way of like not dealing. Um, I guess I could start talking if you, uh, about it. If you want. Okay. Gabbie: If you feel comfortable talking about it. And again, this is our podcast so we can take out whatever you want. Heather: I know, I know. Um, yeah, so, so what Gabbie's actually talking about is what I was talking about is basically, um, breaking up with my, um, psychiatrist, um, which, uh, I took an even longer hiatus. Um, from then our podcast. Gabbie: Mm-hmm. Heather: Um, because I needed to process, um, what happened? So, um, I think I mentioned this in previous episodes, was um, I broke up with one therapist because she was a talk therapist and it wasn't necessarily good to. Talk therapy and OCD. Gabbie: Yeah. Heather: Are not a good combination. It's not a good way of. Gabbie: Unless you wanna spend money, Heather: I know. Unless you wanna spend tons and tons of money. Gabbie: Mm-hmm. Heather: To not really solve. Gabbie: No. Heather: Anything. I mean, it's not, no, it's not really about solving, it's more about managing, um. Gabbie: Yeah. Heather: Yeah. And. Gabbie: Or exploring. Or. Heather: Exploring or being a little bit more open and accepting to, um, the way your brain works. Gabbie: Mm-hmm. Heather: Um, I think maybe that's a better way of putting it than managing. 'Cause managing sounds like you're controlling it, but you literally can't control it. OCD, you can't control it. You have these weird thoughts and you're like. Gabbie: Maybe. Heather: All you can do is accept it and, you know, and hopefully move on with your life, um, unless your brain attaches to it, because subject matters are very sticky. Gabbie: Yeah. Heather: Um, I could talk about this all day, but, um, but with, when it comes to my therapist, um, or my psychiatrist, uh, I was noticing that we were having some conversations, um. I didn't feel like we were, um, speaking the same language, um. Gabbie: Mm-hmm. Heather: When we were in session. Um, and I was starting to feel like I wasn't being heard, um. Gabbie: Mm-hmm. Heather: Which, you know, became difficult. And unfortunately for me, uh, my tendency not just because I'm a woman, but probably because I'm a woman, um, is to question myself. Gabbie: Of course. Heather: You know? And have, you know, a bit of openness to well, not, that's not only a women thing, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to gender or anything 'cause it's no but spectrum. But anyway, yeah. Gabbie: That is our experience. Heather: Yeah. Yeah. And um, so my therapist and I, on our last session, um, I caught myself, um, manipulating him to talk about another subject because I didn't wanna talk about what was really bothering me. Um. Gabbie: Which was a thing that you felt that he wasn't hearing you on? Heather: Yes. And it was a subject matter that I felt like he wasn't listening to me on and I was getting kind of tired of asking again. Gabbie: Yeah. Heather: And not being heard. And it frustrated me. And, um, a tactic that I used to do with my old therapist was change the subject and get her talking about something totally different. Gabbie: Mm-hmm. Heather: Um, and he didn't catch it. Gabbie: Yeah. Heather: At all. Gabbie: Right. Heather: And it was surprising 'cause he usually catches or he used to catch me on my shit all the time. Gabbie: Sure. Heather: And that's when I realized that my phase or my OCD or what he was attributing to my OCD wasn't really my OCD. Gabbie: Yeah. Heather: Um, because. It wasn't what I, it wasn't my lived experience, what he was talking about. I mean, I know I'm being very vague, but I'm doing it intentionally. 'Cause being very self-protective of certain subject matters. Gabbie: Yes. Good. Great. Heather: Um, I felt like that when we were having the conversation, I didn't feel like I was being listened to. And then the things that he was attributing to my OCD did not feel like it was OCD at all. Gabbie: Mm-hmm. Heather: And, um, and what was happening was, as, as you know, you know, as Gabbie was say, stating, it's like the idea of masking, it's like OCD all of a sudden is gone, like not gone, but it's just like. Gabbie: Right, right. Heather: The noise of it is gone. Gabbie: Yes. Heather: Basically almost disappeared in my head and something else I was experiencing. Was not. Gabbie: Comes to the forefront. Heather: Yeah. It does come for the, for forefront. And I found myself, um, unmasking. Gabbie: Mm-hmm. Heather: And having, um, interesting, like, I don't know what to say. It's like I had self-confidence, like I've built the self-confidence, um, in myself to stop the negative talk and other things that was happening. Gabbie: Mm-hmm. Heather: And with that self-confidence, I'm almost like, um, I don't know if I wanna call it self-possessed or understanding myself a little bit more that I was like, wait, this is something different. Like something else is happening and he's not listening to me. And so at that point I'm like, okay, I think it's time to break up. Gabbie: Yeah. Heather: But it took like, man, I'm the worst at breaking up, I guess. Gabbie: No, I mean, maybe here, I'm not gonna say no, but I, I'll say what I said off pod, which is you don't take the bread out of the oven if it's not done. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: You know? Yeah. And you had to come to the place of realization. It takes as long as it takes. Heather: That. Yeah. Thank you for saying that, because that that's that's true. That's true. It does. It does. And it, and it, you know, and I haven't even had the conversation yet with him, so it's, it's gonna happen. Um, it's happening, but I am, um, I'm warming up to it, I guess is what I'm trying to say, um, about the whole subject matter. But it is a difficult thing. I've, I've, I've had a couple other therapists that I've had to break up with, like, one in particular, it was kind of like a mutual, like, I think we're, we're good here, you know, and. Gabbie: Uhhuh. Heather: And kind of like, and it wasn't like a bad thing or anything. Gabbie: No, no, no. Heather: It just like, you know, I graduated from therapy. Gabbie: Yeah, exactly. All better. Heather: All better. Solved everything. Now we're done. Okay. We're fixed here. Gabbie: Uhhuh. Heather: Um. No, but then another therapist, you know, was the last one I, I saw before this one that I'm currently seeing. Um, and, and that was just simple because it was, you know, I was like, you know, I'm using this as a compulsion, like our therapy session. Gabbie: Mm-hmm. Heather: It's literally a compulsion. And so, um, it was hard to like come back to it. Would I go back to talk therapy? I'm not sure. Um, because I don't know if it's necessary. Um. Gabbie: Yeah, I think talk, there are so many mode modes of therapy. Heather: Yes, there is. Yeah. And I'm not against talk therapy for. Gabbie: No, no, no. I know you're not. That's what I was just gonna say is like. Heather: Yeah, yeah. Gabbie: There, there different things work for different folks at different phases in their life who are going through different things. Heather: Very true. Yeah. Gabbie: You know? Heather: Yeah, it is. And um, yeah, and I, I do feel like I, I'm still kind of contemplating. The next steps in my mental health journey and what that looks like. Gabbie: Cool. Heather: Um, but I'm not, I'm not sure. I'm not sure what it looks like. I, I, I guess that's what I'm trying to say. I'm, I'm open to like, being like free falling a tiny bit. Gabbie: Yeah, man. I was gonna say like, you've just come to a realization or a thought that you wanna break up with this therapist. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: That's a great step. You know? And then the step after that, I agree with you, you can trust yourself that you'll figure out what the next step is. You can put it in place now you can do whatever you want, but. Heather: Yeah. Yeah. And I think it's because I've been away, um, from therapy for more than six months. Gabbie: Mm-hmm. Heather: And, um, I've had a lot happen. Gabbie: Mm-hmm. Heather: Between that time, um, even, you know, panic attacks and other things and, and. It's very interesting to use the tools that I learned from that therapy, um, and, and actually have better care for my panic attacks, like the last panic attack I had. Yeah. Or at least the panic feeling I had. Gabbie: Mm-hmm. Heather: I was able to get grounded and, and amazing I know in a, in a way where I, I didn't allow it, I didn't allow my brain to go to the place where I'm like, go away. Go away. Gabbie: Right. Heather: Go away. It finally just kind of went, okay, it's happening, and it's like this place of acceptance and I'm like, whoa. Gabbie: Yeah. Heather: Like, how do I get there? You know? It's like, but I realize that that's not a solve for every time I have a panic attack. Gabbie: True. Heather: It's more about, okay, I'm letting it happen. Gabbie: Yep. Heather: This is happening. And then I just move on and do my, whatever I was doing, eating or. Gabbie: Yeah. Heather: Or, you know, walking or whatever. So. Gabbie: Yeah. Heather: Um, yeah. So that was amazing revelation. Um, small little baby steps towards, you know. Gabbie: Congratulations. Heather: Thank you. Thank you. Gabbie: Yeah. That's big. Heather: It is. And then that's. Gabbie: Especially. Heather: Oh, sorry. Gabbie: Yeah. No, no, please. Heather: No, I was gonna say, and that's what led me like to thinking about do I need to have a psychiatrist? Like I see like all the time, you know, as. Gabbie: Right. Heather: You know, and it's been long. Um, you know, maybe there's more of a maintenance phase, but I don't, I mean, not maintenance phase, I mean like maintenance, like, you know, check-in. But I don't know, like I'm, I'm willing to kind of just let it go and just kind of live and. And then see if what I need to do for my next steps, whatever that might be. And so, um, yeah. Gabbie: Yay. Heather: Yay. Sorry. That was like, it felt like it was like really. Gabbie: Good. Heather: Serious, serious talk. Gabbie: It was, hey, it's Comically Exposed. Sometimes we do the exposed part and that's the serious part. Um, I was gonna just quickly say, yeah. One of my best therapy experiences was fairly early on in my OCD journey. This therapist said, um, tell me what your goals are. I told her and she said, okay, I think we can put about a six month mark on this. Like, if you're willing to do the work. Um, and I think that we can kind of hit that goal and then we can reassess at that point. But I don't believe in never ending therapy and it was so effing helpful, you know? Heather: Yeah. Yeah. Gabbie: Because the thing is, like with your psychiatrist, I'm with you. It's like, I think it's important to have a psychiatrist in your own life for those maintenance or check-ins or whatever, be that every three, six, every year, two years, whatever it is. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: To have already established a relationship with, ah, the, the psychiatrist doesn't need to be this one. If they are not serving your current needs anymore, then it is kind of, um, taking up both of your time. Heather: Yeah. And maybe I was being too polite. Gabbie: Maybe. But also I feel like your psychiatrist is so ingrained in OCD and OCD work that those are kind of the lenses. He views everything. True. So when you came to him with other thoughts, feelings, symptoms, concerns, what have you, he just kept saying, oh, it's OCD. And it's like, it's like, okay, I hear you, but do you hear me? Right? Heather: Yeah. And it was hard to say, no, it feels different. No, that's what OCD wants you to think. And I'm just like, no literal. Gabbie: You're like, this is a never in trap. Heather: Literally say, I know. I'm like, it can't all be OCD. Yeah. It's like I have a stomach ache. No, you have OCD. It's like. Gabbie: Yeah, exactly. Heather: No, like I can have a stomach ache, I can have these other problems. You know? It's like, it's not all encompassing. Yeah. So, yeah. Gabbie: So I'm proud of you, man. Heather: Thanks. I gotta do it. Good realization. Gabbie: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah. We didn't even get into which, you know, we should probably wind up the pod, but, uh, we didn't even get into, I think it's totally fine to ghost. I do. I think that they're trained to know that that happens. I don't think that that's something that you feel comfortable with. Heather: Yeah. Yeah. Gabbie: But I also don't think you need to pay for an entire session to say goodbye. I do think, uh, an email or something. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: Is perfectly fine. You know? Heather: Yeah, I think, I think that's, I think that's my route. I have to now write an email this weekend. So. Gabbie: No chat. GPT it. Have them write chockfull of em dashes. Heather: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll have my dentist write one for him. Gabbie: Yeah, please. Heather: Yeah. Yeah. I see him on Monday, so I was like, could you also like after, you know you're done checking my teeth. Gabbie: While your in my mouth can you write me. Heather: You're both doctors, you can talk to each other. Gabbie: Exactly. Doctor to doctor. I think you know, he'll really appreciate this coming from you more than me. Heather: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Gabbie: Um. Well listen, everybody and Heather, uh, I'm really glad we're back. Uh, this was a great check-in Heather. I, I love being able to hear where you're at, and then I love, I'm really excited for your next comedy steps. Heather: Me too. I'm excited for yours. Gabbie: Same. Okay, cool. Animation events. Heather: And then you're gonna become famous. Gabbie: Yep. Totally. Heather: That's what happens tomorrow, you know. Gabbie: Tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah. Riyadh next year. That do, wouldn't that be amazing if my, like, one goal was to headline the Riyadh fucking Comedy Fest and then I just fucking retire. Like, all I'm in it for is blood money. Heather: I thought, I thought your goal was gonna be to, to be hired. And then say, no, thank you. Gabbie: Oh God. Heather: And then post it on the internet so that you can feel good about yourself. Gabbie: No, we just established that money is what I want and need and holds my life together. Heather: It hold, holds your mental health together. Gabbie: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Heather: Yes. Gabbie: So I think about 50, 55 mil and then I'll quit the biz, you know? Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: I think that's perfectly reasonable. Yeah. And I don't care how many journalist blood I have on my hands. Um, worth it anyway, so yes. I hope our audience is doing well. Don't murder journalists. That's bad. Heather: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Gabbie: And we've always said that. Heather: Yes. Gabbie: Yeah. Because. Heather: Yeah. Gabbie: I know we don't state in enough, but that is the motto of the podcast. Heather: Yeah. Yeah. Gabbie: Don't murder any journalists today. Heather: Yes. That's, that's the main goal of this podcast. Gabbie: Is all of our merch. Heather: Mm-hmm. Gabbie: Uh, thank you guys so much for joining us on Comically Exposed. I really hope you have a great day. Heather, I hope you have a great day. Heather: I hope you have a great day too. Bye everyone. Gabbie: Bye bye. [🎵 Outro Music] Gabbie: Welcome to the end of the show. This is Gabbie Blachman. Heather: And this is Heather Nye. Gabbie: Thank you for listening to Comically Exposed. We are just a little show with. Two creators who edit and produce each episode. We appreciate all your support. Heather: If you like what you heard, please follow us on Instagram at comically exp dot podcast. That's C-O-M-I-C-A-L-L-Y E-X-P dot podcast. Gabbie: Oh, and check out our website at comicallyexposed.com. That's one word, comicallyexposed.com. Heather: Where you can contact us by text or even leave a voice message. Gabbie: Or subscribe to us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Heather: Also special thanks to Track Club and Gxldxn Fxnch for providing the music. Gabbie: Thanks for listening and hey everybody, today is a great day to expose yourself. Okay, until next time... Heather: in your face, Miriam.